Okay I know I said I probably wasn’t going to be posting anytime soon, but whatever. I just said bye to Macie and Internet, I am crying and depressed. That’s all there is to it.
Macie when you read this (because I know you will), I meant what I said. I wouldn’t do a single thing differently… except for shouting more at Richard. There should always be more shouting at Richard. And keep your eyes out for that list. It’s on its way.
This.
Is.
The.
Most.
Depressing.
Night.
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Tonight was unbelievable. Simply amazing. I have the best friend in the entire world.
Okay… starting from the very beginning. For our Shakespeare class we were required to see three live performances of three out of the five plays we were studying. These plays were A Midsummer Nights Dream, Timon of Athens, and my favorite play of all time- Hamlet. We go to the Globe Theater and see the first two plays. Midsummer was so very funny and entertaining and one of the leads had a GIGANTIC butt so it was quite entertaining considering how tight his pants were. Then Timon was downright dreadful and you would have to pay me lots and lots of money to see that or read that again. Sorry Shakes. It was awful. But tonight… tonight my dear readers, we saw Hamlet and HOLY COW it was unbelievably amazing.
So our tickets are for the balcony section, whatever I’m over it. I was just so very excited because playing the title of Hamlet, my loverly Prince of Denmark, was David Tennant. Now if you do not know who this lovely man is, don’t worry, I shall tell you. He is currently on the British sci-fi show Dr. Who though he is retiring from that this year. You may also know him if you have seen the Harry Potter films- he was Barty Crouch Jr. in the fifth movie. Patrick Stewart was also in it as Claudius, Hamlet’s “uncle father” (go read the play right now if you do not get that) and he did a fabulous job. But it was David (obviously) who stole the show. Lets get the fan-girl stuff out of me first. This company decided to do the play in modern day attire meaning David was in a suit for a large part of the play. HOT (I melt for guys in suits, it’s a well known fact). Then when he was in jeans and a t-shirt every single female in the audience edged forward in their seats to get a good look at his yummy tummy when he raised his hands and his shirt went up. With those low jeans on. HOTT. Then, and yes- it gets better. The whole background of the stage was ceiling to floor mirrors which served as doors and props and such throughout the play. I should point out when Hamlet sat down you could see the back of him through the mirrors. And lets just say lover boy was not wearing any underwear. At all. YEAH. Our conversation went like this:
Macie (whispering): “Dude- you can totally see his ass in the mirrors.”
Me (whispering): “Um what do you think I’m staring at? Duh.”
Macie (whispering): “That-a-girl”
Okay, fan-girl has been put away. For now.
His acting was absolutely fantastic. A little Shakespearean trivia for you: Hamlet has the most lines out of any Shakespearean character reaching just at 2,000. Also, with the exception of back in the Shakes days, Hamlet is rarely performed in its entirety. Tonight was cut down and the performance was still 3 hours 30 minutes. And David never messed up (not even once- that I recall anyway) and never even seemed tired. His comic timing was so funny and put Mel Gibson to shame, just saying… everything was just wonderful. But I’m a little biased. But it really was.
Overall I really liked this company’s interpretation of the play. Everything was perfect and having seen Hamlet before I do not remember it being this funny. I laughed so much, especially during the scenes between Hamlet and Polonius. They were so funny together! (p.s.- If you are basing your judgments on the play off of the movie version with Mel Gibson and Glen Close please, please, please just forget everything you saw and start from scratch. Trust me, it’s better this way.)
And now for a random little chuckle during the performance. One of Claudius’ speeches requires him to state the following lines: My words fly up/ My thoughts remain below/ Words without thoughts/ Never to Heaven go. The play is going on quite nicely and this scene comes along. Claudius (Patrick Stewart) starts saying the lines and gets out “My words fly up/ My thoughts remain below” and then took what was one of the LONGEST dramatic pauses I have ever witnessed. So I filled in the gap by whispering the rest of the line to Macie. She looked at me like I was crazy, which happens more often than not…anywhore, Patrick FINALLY finishes the line and Macie looks at me with this look of utter amazement mixed with a hint of disgust. And do you even know what she says to me? “Duuuuude. You need to get a life.” I’m not going to lie- I totally started laughing and couldn’t stop. And she was laughing at me and we were such messes. It was fantastic.
Eventually the play ended and I was sad and Macie and I made our way back to the tube station. I really wanted to go to the stage door but Macie isn’t as big of a nerd (or shakes obsessed) as me, so I didn’t want to make her wait in the freezing cold. But we passed the stage door on our way to the tube station and she knew- felt it in her heart of hearts- that all I wanted to do was stand outside and wait for David. So she told me that she would wait with me and let me be my nerdy self. And so we stood. And stood. And took very random pictures. And kept standing. And then a mini-van pulled up, aka David’s get away car (totally hot, I know) and then… David came out of the stage door. And people are clapping and he started signing a few things and I don’t know if you know this, but I am a tad on the shorter side of life. Macie? Not so much. She grabbed my camera and pushed her way towards the front of the crowd and got pictures for me. I was so happy. And then it got a little quiet and David was on our side of the crowd and so I saw it as my opportunity to be bold (aka not myself), and I shouted “David! I really liked you in Dr. Who!!” and then he shouted back “Thank you!” AHHHHHHH. I was so happy, dare I even say ecstatic. I’m waiting on Macie to step back, by this time David had gotten into the van, and when she turned around she handed me her ticket. And I just looked at her. And she said “Merry Christmas!” and I looked down and she GOT HIM TO SIGN HER TICKET FOR ME. And then we came home and I am still just freaking out.
Internet, I have the best friend.
In the theater waiting for the play to start!
This is how high up we were. It was really scary.
Mmmmnerd.
Sexy can I.
Heck yes I took a picture. Proof baby.
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PULL SHAPES!!!!!!
Don’t know what I’m talking about? You are not the first. I’ts only my new favorite song. I mean, duh. I sing it all the time and in fact I’m listening to it right now. On repeat.
So Jessica met Robert Pattinson today at the UK Twilight premiere and I am really happy for her. I stayed here because I had class, go photography- more on that later- and I’m not really sad about missing Rob or Kristen, I think we all knew that though. If I went I would be screaming “I WANT CAM GIGANDET!!!” and then when Cam came over to ask me to marry him I would reply with a loud “YES” but only if he took his shirt off first.
Speaking of nudity (how many sentences start off like that? Don’t tell me I don’t want to know) in photography class we have been giving presentations about photographers we were assigned or picked or whatever. The final three or four (though it felt like 900) people gave their presentations today, and one guy’s photographer happened to be big on the S&M scene, and may I just say I saw waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many pictures of male genitalia than I would have liked to see. And bonus! I was (unfortunately) sitting really close to the screen, because that is usually where I sit and I like to sit in the same seat every class, and so every picture was RIGHT THERE and just disturbing. There was a lot of rubber. I just wanted to shout out “there will always be women in rubber flirting with me!” [bonus points if you can tell me- without looking- what movie that is from.] I refrained.
And now I am going to bed so I can wake up and go to my LAST CLASS!!!!!!!! It’s poetry and my professor is obsessed with sex and interprets every single poem as this work about one of five things. 1- sex. 2- death. 3- sex. 4- religion, preferably of the Catholic nature. 5- sex. Every single poem is about one of those things. Last class he went into great detail about how this poem referring to a rose could be about this woman and man and he was jealous and she was overly sexual and couldn’t wait for him so she had to meet her own needs and basically his interpretation was wrong and mine was right. It was about this girl who had an affair and her boy toy couldn’t handle it and he got all angry and attacked the “other guy” and then told home girl that she was ugly. Told you my interpretation was better. And you don’t even know what the poem said! Trust me, it’s much better this way.
I go home in 9 days! I am excited and sad at the same time. I am very happy to go home and sleep in a comfortable bed and just all the little comforts of home and my CAT! I miss her so so much. But I am going to be so sad to leave here, my cozy little home away from home. I am going to miss Tesco, the tube, the London Eye, Oxford Street, Regent Street, Partridges, Imperial, The V&A, THE GLOBE, just walking around London, Camden Market, and lots of other things. I am getting sad. I packed a suitcase today. Tear.
This blog is rather random. I covered music, Twilight, nudity, sex, London- I’m like a carbon copy of Cosmo! Except I won’t cost you about 5 dollars. Omg I’m so ending this right now.
I lead with my left hand
I stomp with my right foot
Well I just wanna freak out
I just wanna move, I don’t care what the song’s about
Dance with me, pretty boy tonight
Dance with me, and we’ll be alright
There’s a whole floor before us, just for you and me,
So follow my lead, and we’ll 1-2-3
PULL SHAPES!!!
Yea, it’s that good I just posted some of the lyrics. NERD.
What do you do when the music stops?
What do you do when the music stops?
What do you do when the music stops?
What do you do when the music stops?
PULL SHAPES!!!!
ok, I’m done for real now. But seriously, go listen to them (link at the top. Click on the word “favorite” and you will be transported to a world of awesome music. I know, it’s magic. I’m currently awaiting my letter from Hogwarts.)
I swear I’m not insane. I’m just losing my mind, thats all.
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So this past Friday I went to the loverly Stratford-Upon-Avon aka home of my lover Shakespeare. And it was LEGEN-wait for it…and i hope your not lactose intolerant because the next word is- DARY (five points for the how i met your mother reference! anyone? just me? mmmk). So I met up with my friend Macie at the ungodly hour of 7:40 in the morning, loaded up on Starbucks, and we set out to find our bus station and embark on a three hour and forty-five minute bus ride. Let the fun begin.
Our first step of the journey to the bus station called for us to get on the tube and ride to Victoria station. I had to top up my oyster card (a pay as you go type of card instead of a tube ticket.) So I went to the little station for cards and went through the procedure and it declined my card. Oh hellz no. I tried it again and it declined it. I went to a different machine and it was there that I realized I forgot to 1) select the option to top up my card and 2) press the amount for how much I wanted to put on it. And the most smartest award goes to…. A wonderfully exciting trip was bound to happen if this is how things are starting off. The tube ride was unbearably awkward as everyone was so so super quiet and all reading the same newspaper. “The London Lite” that these annoying people hand out as you walk into the tube station. Yes I have read one before, don’t judge me. So we finally reach Victoria station and have no idea where we are going from that point. Thank the Heavens above for signs or we would never have found it.
And there we are the Victoria Coach Station. We finally find our bus and I hand the bus driver (whose name we later learn is Steve) my ticket and he says, “Ah Stratford. Goin all the way love?” To which I reply, “Yes.” And he comes back with “You must really love…uh…whatshisname…that Shakespeare guy.” To which I enthusiastically reply, “YES!” and he just laughs and rolls his eyes like, “omg what an educated nerd.” I take my ticket from him and find a seat on the bus not too far in the back but not too far in the front. I have to be a good distance between them, though not in the middle. What can I say? This educated nerd is weird. And proud of it. Moving on. Here is a picture of us on the bus.
We get on the bus and Macie and I are still pretty wired from the espresso trip we took before we left so we are chatting like fiends about such topics as what type of houses the Buckster and Richard live in. (Buckster- a cottage all decked out in Shakespeare stuff and Richard in a loft with a bed on the floor and books everywhere.) Then our bus driver, Steve, tried to KILL US by making a turn and going into the other lane which happened to be occupied by another huge-ass bus. We get to a red light and both drivers open their doors and are shouting things at each other. It was thrilling. Then we make our first stop of the journey where people get off of the bus and others get on and Steve checked on everyone to make sure they were okay and that they were wearing their seat belts which I totally wasn’t and I was instructed to put it on. Grrr. Then the best part of the trip (well…so far) happened. Stevey decided to ask the entire bus if anyone wanted to try driving “this beast” for a while. No one accepted his offer. Then he held up his bottle of coke and said, and I am not exaggerating/making this up because it is far too good for that, “Does anyone have a bottle of Bacardi to go with this Coke? I’ll totally share with the first person to give me some!!!” Yes he was totally serious. And we still had about 2:45 minutes of a bus ride to endure with this guy. ‘Twas going to be an awesome trip indeed.
Then we made another stop, then endured about two more hours on the bus. I think there is some sort of gene in my body that hates me, and doesn’t ever want me to sleep on bus rides or car rides. Unless I am seriously drugged up. On legal drugs of course. I save the illegal ones for the dorm room. Only kidding, calm down internet. Anywhore (what the buck reference!! anyone? anyone? buller??) , it was pointless for me to try since it wasn’t going to happen. I even put on soft music to fool myself into thinking I could fall asleep. No such luck. Usually I am a morning person, but I got NO sleep the night before on account of all those drugs. JKJK. I was just coughing up my lungs because I am sick. The ride did turn out to be sort of fun I suppose. Well at least for the other people watching me, because we went through this really weird patch of intense white fog. Think of that scene in The Others where Nicole Kidman is going to Church or whatever and ends up finding her husband but all this creepy white fog is happening around her. Yea, that’s what was going on here. Except we were driving and I was in the window seat and suddenly a HUGGGGE truck or bus would come out of no where and BAM! I would jump a mile high in my seat because I never saw it coming. It was a little game I played… “will Lauren get freaked out by the next vehicle to come along?” and every single blasted time I would. I bet I looked highly (interesting choice of words) amusing.
Finally, twenty hours later, we reached our destination of Stratford. Stevey just dropped us off in the middle of no where and said “have fun!” Thaaaaaanks ya wanker. (I’m in such a weird mood while writing this. Shot out goes to Britain for the excellent terminology. Wtf??) Anywhore, (nothing? really?) Mace and I go into the little information center thing and find a map and figure out our way to town. We head straight to Shake’s birthplace but along the way find a little statue/ not so creepy shrine thing for Shakes. After all, it IS his town. I mean, duh. So we stopped to take some tourist pictures that Richard would most certainly be embarrassed of. Don’t worry, we plan to put them in a scrap book and leave it for him in his office. Aren’t we terrible students? Please don’t answer that. So we pose with Hamlet (my other lover when Shakes is busy doing his play writing thing) and Lady Macbeth who totally tried to kill me, and some fat guy who I don’t think was ever in a Shakespeare play but there was a statue of him being all fat and drunk and it was too irresistible not to take a picture with him. Coincidentally I appear to be drunk as well, so at least we had fun in our short time together.
Then we made it to the birthplace of Shakes which was his childhood home. We bought tickets to go inside three of the five houses (I was overly happy about this. and two of the houses were out of town, hence the no ticket to those) and it was wonderful. We learned that you are not allowed to take pictures inside any of the houses (booo) and that when Shakes was born they wrapped him in cloth really really tightly and his mother would hang him on a hook in the kitchen to keep an eye on him while she was cooking or on a tree branch while she was gardening. And people wonder why some of the characters have issues in his plays. Next we made our way to his grave, stopping at the other two houses along the way because we ran into them. But first I have to tell you about my AMAAAAAAZING purchase, and declare my nerd status once again. Are you ready for this? Okay. I’m totally loving my new… SHAKESPEARE BOBBLEHEAD. Yes, that you read that correctly. I mean, my life is now complete because I have a Shakespeare Bobblehead. I hope that when I get married my husband will just come realize there is and will always be a slightly bigger space in my heart for Shakes. Was that a horrible thing to say? Probably.
So back to the thrilling story. On to the grave of Shakes! What? You want to hear about the other houses? Okay, they belonged to his daughter and granddaughter? Something like that. Shakes didn’t really have much to do with them, so my attention didn’t really have much to do with them. All I know is Shakes was rollin in the cash. Then we made a pit stop in a cafe and got some hot chocolate because mylanta! It was cooold outside. We walk and walk and the hot chocolate is really hot, so we take off the lids to let it cool down but then it burns my hand, so I put the lid back on and menacingly look at the cup and “dare it to spill on me again” which it doesn’t. So thoughtful. And Holy Trinity Church!! There is Shakes grave! So we make our way into the scary graveyard in front of the church and people are looking at Macie all weirdly. I mean, what is their deal! Then we find out she has spilled hot chocolate down her jacket and I didn’t even notice. So once I stop crying I’m laughing so hard, we sit down on a bench to wipe all of it off her jacket. And since we were there, we decided to just sit and people watch and drink our drinks. In the middle of a graveyard. Okay, not in the middle but at the beginning and it was not too creepy. If you don’t mind extremely old above-ground coffins. But whatever. We were laughing so much at everything and occasionally we would say something like “is it weird we are having so much fun in a graveyard?” but who cares we were having a blast.
And now I should mention I don’t believe in haunted things. Ghosts all that stuff- people coming back to get their revenge… that stuff is only real in Hamlet and no where else. For some reason I just generally don’t fall for the “scary stories” of ghosts coming back and harming people to leave their home alone or whatever. But may I just say I have never been so scared in my life as when I visited the grave of a Mr. William Shakespeare. Let me set up the scene. You had to walk into the church passing all of these old old old decaying and decrepid graves. Then you had to go to the very front of the church and pay this guy 50 pence to even see the grave. So there they are: Anne (Shake’s wife), Shakespeare, Thomas Nash (Shake’s son in law), John Hull and Susannah (John’s wife, Shake’s granddaughter). I’m snapping pics of Billys grave when I hear this muffled noise. I think nothing of it because, as you might recall, I don’t believe in haunted things. So I’m clicking away and I hear what sounds like someone buried alive, banging on something, shouting “help me.” Okay, I’m not even making this up. And I sort of froze, unsure if it was all in my head or what. So I said nothing and took another picture and I heard it again. Okay, so now I was pee-in-my-pants-scared. And I don’t ever get that scared. Ever. So I turn slowly to Macie and just look at her and she says, “Please tell me you hear that and it’s not just me” and I say, “thank God, I thought it was just me” and then we heard it again and then I took one more picture and we were out of there faster than… well think of the fastest thing you can and multiply it by twelve. Thats how fast we left. I’m still creeped out by it. We even walked around the entire church to see if they were doing construction. Yea, they weren’t. *double shiver*
Then we made our way around town and did a little shopping and I got these incredibly adorable boots that I have been wanting foreverr. Soo freaking cute. I’ll post a picture. Then we did a little more shopping and wondered around town and realized we had seen every single Shakespeare thing, gone all over town, and STILL had about an hour to kill. Because we were soooooooo freaking tired we walked back to the bus station and waited for our bus. Then we found it and the bus driver wouldn’t let us on for another 20 minutes because he was “cleaning the bus” when in reality he was smoking in the bus. LIAR!!! So we waited in the freezing cold and I took a bunch of random pictures that I will not be posting ever and finally we were allowed to get on the bus. It soon filled up way more than when we came to Stratford, so by the second stop Mace and I had to sit by each other instead of two seats to ourselves.
When we stopped in Coventry four French guys got on and because of the seating arrangement they were all forced to take end seats. Two were lucky to sit in the rows by and behind Macie and me. So we attempted the whole “sleeping on a bus thing” but we all know how well that doesn’t work out for me. So when Mace finally woke up we played a thrilling game of MASH and then I drew her portrait about three times and lets just say I should stick to teaching English. But Frenchies caught a glimpse of what I was doing, mainly because they kept staring at us. Maybe it was because we were lauhging loudly the entire time because of my horrid drawing skills. I was going to draw bald Frenchie but he kept looking at me so it would have been totally awkward. Then he started talking to us and finally just asked me to draw him. Macie was all embarrassed sort of but I was all “bfd I’ll so draw you” so I drew them together. And they managed to come out looking sort of human. I did have to label certian things in the picture like Frenchie #2’s hat, so they knew it was an actual hat and not a bad hair job. And the other guy didn’t even have hair, which I consider the ‘framework’ of the portrait, so he sort of turned out like an alien. But such is life. I signed it and titled it “Two Strangers on a Bus Ride to London” and gave it to them. Then they asked me to pose for it and who am I to deny an adoring fan? I posed and they took my picture and attempted to talk to us in broken English and they kept looking at the picture. It was all so adorable and stuff. I still don’t know there names and suppose I never will, but it was a brilliant ending to a major (again with what the buck! Im on fire!!) day. Since I posed for Frenchies it was only fair they pose for me. This was taken shortly after we all snorted a line of cocaine. OMG Internet! I’m totally kidding. It was crystal meth. I’m a total badass.
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Today was notsome. Although I am sooo happy to be in London, I was sad I couldn’t be with my family for Thanksgiving. But I come home in about two weeks, so I refused to let myself get too depressed about it. We still had classes today, because the British don’t celebrate the holiday, and the Buckster came into poetry class all ready to give us a lesson about poetry. Well I really couldn’t be bothered to listen, so I thought it would be fun to distract him. So this is how it went. Oh and I should mention about six people (from the usual 12-15) showed up today.
Buckster: “Well, you decided to show up didn’t you.”
Girl one: “Happy Thanksgiving Professor Buckingham!!”
Me: “Happy day we decided to leave the British!”
Girl two: “Are you serious? Please don’t tell me this is all the people that are going to show up today.”
Boy one: “You might as well cancel class.”
Girl three: “I agree. No need in having a lesson. Besides, it’s a holiday.”
Girl one: “Yea, in America no one has classes this week.”
Buckster: “Well you are not in America now are you?”
Girl one: “Well, technically no.”
Buckster: “Well, alright then, lets get started.”
Me: “So how many different countries have you taught in?”
Buckster: “Oh, how many different countries have I taught in? Well let me see…”
**about 10 minutes goes by. I have distracted him from the lesson!**
Buckster: “…And I suppose that’s it. Why do you ask?”
Me: “Oh, I was just curious. You always talk about being in other countries. I just wondered.”
**the Buckster goes on another rant about his life for about 2 or 3 minutes**
Buckster: “Well now, about the lesson”
Me: “Oh, I passed Katie on the way over here and she said she is printing off her paper and will be coming to class, but she will just be a little late.”
Buckster: “Oh, well I suppose we should wait on her then.”
**about 5- 10 minutes pass and Katie comes in.**
Buckster: “Well, I’ll just give a short lesson and let you out early.”
He then proceeded to talk about poetry for a while, and let us out 30 minutes early. I mean, it was the best poetry class ever. Then me, girl two and girl three were walking back to our dorm when we walked by Buttercup, the really amazing cupcake shop we always pass on the way to class. So girl two said she would buy us all cupcakes and so we went in and talked about missing our families, crazy drunk people who always manage to find me and tell me they can not remember their room code or find their key (it has happened more than four times) as if I can really do anything about it, and other girl topics.
Then I went to Shakespeare class (soooo boring), then did laundry (soooooo boring), then watched What the Buck (soooo funny), then ate Thanksgiving dinner in the cafeteria (sooo interesting), then helped Jess develop her film. While she was mixing the developer I played the 50 States Game and both times got all 50!! And now I can even do them in semi-alphabetical order. I say semi because they are in alphabetical order in that all the “A” states are grouped together, all the “C” states and so on, but within those groups they are not necessarily in alphabetical order. Once I master that, then its on to adding capitals. We tried tonight and let me just say, I suck at capitals. I couldn’t remember over half of them.
We also played an invigorating game of MASH and even though I got the husband option I wanted most, turns out he is a stripper! And I work at Krispy Kreme. I mean, gross. I HATE Krispy Kreme. And though we do have our honeymoon in London, my result of spw (if you play the game with this you will know what I’m talking about. If not, I don’t feel like telling you. Go find out for yourself.) was 2. I mean, how awful is that. Just pretty awful if you ask me.
And I am having back spasms again. You would think living with constant back pain almost your entire life would make you numb to the new pains, but I finally got the spasms to stop before I left for England. They are just so annoying… I can barely even turn from the waist up. But such is life I suppose.
But now I must go to sleeps so I can wake up oh so early and get on a bus for three hours so I can see my lover SHAKSPEARE!!!!!
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Internet, it is official. I have lost my mind.
I have three papers and two photography projects to be done in the next two weeks, but all I find myself doing is talking to my friend Macie about debbie downer, people with down syndrome, Richard, and how funny it is when she (Macie) comes to class still a tiny bit drunk from the night before.
Lets talk about the two funniest things that have happened lately. First, Richard went deaf in one ear. He claims he doesn’t know how it happened but assures us it was “nothing scandalous.” Basically it was the funniest thing ever. He was talking louder than usual the entire class, then he asked us to write a response to a question about a book we were supposed to read though no one did. I didn’t hear the question the first time as Macie and I were too busy mocking Richard, so I asked him to repeat it. And it was as if he heard a noise and knew someone, somewhere was asking him a question. He just couldn’t figure out the direction it was coming from. Then Macie cupped her hands and shouted VERY LOUDLY for him to repeat the question. The poor guy almost had a heart attack. He practically jumped all the way out of his chair! He repeated the question and I realized I didn’t have a clue as to what I was going to write down. Because I couldn’t be bothered to read the book. So I just looked at the back flap and made an educated guess as to the actual plot line. Then I made up a bunch of stuff and wrote it down.
Next we come to Buckingham’s class. Shakespeare. Today we had a guest lecture and the guy was going on about some famous historian or whatever, by that point I had sort of tuned him out, when he flipped the slide on his power point presentation to show the picture of this historian guy. All of the sudden the Buckster went, “Mmmmmm yes, there he is” in this weird half Scottish half British accent. I mean, the poor guy was practically having an orgasm right there in the class room. Well of course Macie and I happen to look at each other at the same moment with the same horrified expression and we bust out laughing. Other people are snickering, yes, but we are full on crying/snorting/unable to control ourselves. And then we couldn’t stop. Everything was extremely funny, but only to us.
So it was a fun day.
I also booked my ticket to Stratford-upon-Avon to see where my lover Shakespeare lived. I’m so excited I could give Richard a hug. And that’s saying something.
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Tonight Jess and I went to a Chinese restaurant in Piccadilly Circus. All you can eat for 4 pounds. The food was so-so but the highlight of the evening came when I got hit on by the creeper sitting next to us. The way the place was set up consisted of a downstairs, where the food was, and an upstairs which provided additional seating. Jess and I were seated upstairs and the only available seating was where they had this two, two-person table seated together to make one, four-person table. They separated the tables to make Jess and I seats, which provided about three inches between our table and the table next to us, aka the Creeper table.
He started out all suave asking for the time, then apparently saw that as an opening to a conversation. And now I shall share it with you. My colorful commentary is in italics.
Creeper: “I’m sorry do you have the time?”
Me: “Yea, its…” -digs in purse for phone- “6:03.”
Creeper: “Thanks. So where are you from?”
Me: -yes, he really used that line- “America.”
Creeper: “Oh ok. What part?”
Me: “Uh Florida.”
Creeper: “I have an aunt who lives in Minnesota.” -highly doubtful-
Me: “Oh nice.”
Creeper: “So what’s your name?”
Me: “mmm Laura.”
Creeper: -to his friend- “Laurie.”
Me: “Um ok, sure.”
Creeper: “That’s a beautiful name.”
Me: “Oh, thanks.”
Creeper: “So what are you doing after dinner?”
Me: “Oh my friend and I are going to look at the Christmas lights.”
Creeper: –to his friend- “Can we go look at the Christmas lights?”
Creeper’s Friend: “No I have to go home.”
Creeper: “Ah, okay.”
Creeper’s Friend: “So you from America?” -haven’t we been over this?-
Me: “Uh, yes.”
-By this point Jess has returned from downstairs, where the food is. Now she takes over watching the purses and I go get my food. I return and turns out they have not said a single word to her.-
Creeper’s Friend: “So you here on holiday?”
Me: “No, were in uni.”
Creeper: “Oh what school do you go to?”
Me: “Richmond.”
Creeper: “Ah ok. So what are you doing tomorrow?”
Me: -looking to Jessica, sending her a pleading look to agree with whatever I say. She gets it because she is awesome- “Oh, don’t we have that guest lecture?” -yes, I am well aware that tomorrow IS a Sunday.-
Jess: “Yea, I totally forgot about that.”
Me: “It was the only day our professor could get him to come speak…”
Creeper: “Can we come?”
Me: “Oh… yea, I’m afraid it’s only for students. For our class. For our univeristy.”
Creeper: “Ah, okay. So where do you sleep?”
Me: -completely freaked out- “I beg your pardon?”
Creeper: “Where do you sleep? You know, stay?”
Me: “Oh. In Richmond.” -ha! we live in Kensington!- “Where we go to school. In Richmond. We are just in town for the day.” -you could say I was totally freaked out and not at all enjoying, or eating for that matter, my food.-
Creeper: “Okay. That’s a lovely jumper you have on.” -for those of you who do not know, a jumper is a sweater.-
Me: “Oh, thank you.”
Creeper: “You really are beautiful. You ladies are so beautiful.”
Me and Jess: “Oh, thanks.”
At this point the conversation dies down enough for me to jump in and start talking to Jessica about when our boyfriends are coming into town and how long they will be staying, and things of that nature. It worked because Creeper and his friend totally left us alone after that. About eight minutes later we got up, payed the bill and literally ran away from the horrid place.
Needless to say I didn’t really enjoy dinner. And now I am so so very hungry. And I shall go and watch Harry Potter. And fall asleep before my drunken roommate returns from her adventures.
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***Here is the poem with the missing words. Have fun. Also, keep in mind the very wise advice of the Buckster: THE POEM MUST MAKE SENSE!!!***
***also, be sure to post your answers so I can get some sort of amusement out of this.***
Marked with a D.
When the chilled dough of his flesh went in an oven
not unlike those he fulled with all his __________1
I thought of his cataracts ablaze with Heaven
and __________2 with the sight of his dead wife,
light streaming from his __________3 to shape her name,
‘not Florence and not Flo but always Florrie’.
I thought how his ________4 tounge burst into __________5
but only literally, which makes me sorry,
sorry fo rhis sake there’s no _____________6 to reach.
I get it all from Earth my ______________7 bread
but he ______________8 for release from mortal speech
that kept his down, the tounge that weighed like lead.
The baker’s _____________9 that no one will see _________10
and England made to feel like some dull oaf
is smoke, enough to stink one person’s eyes
and _____________11 (not unlike flour) for one small loaf.
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Buckingham: “Im going to give you a poem with words missing and you have half an hour to fill in the missing words.”
…30 minutes goes by…I’m the only one who has attempted to complete all the words…
Buckingham: “Right. Did you get them? Yes? No? Now who has filled in all eleven words? Lauren, I see you have.”
Lauren: “mmm I tried but I don’t know if they are right.”
Buckingham: “Lets see then.”
…gives paper to Buckingham…
Buckingham: “hmmm I see, yes, yes I see. You got four right, two almost right, you had the right idea, four wrong and one absolutely atrocious answer.”
Lauren: “Oh ok”
Buckingham: “It’s quite idiotic. The poem must make sense!!”
So I speant the afternoon shopping.
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I was in the darkroom for over three hours today and can’t get the smell of chemicals off my hands. And these chemicals? They really don’t smell at that well.
Poetry was completely creepy awkward today. Four people showed up. And the room is claustrophobically small. So I was right across from my professor, which I usually am but today it was just more awkward becuase we sit in a square and “discuss the poems.” You can always tell when my professor is serious about poetry because he loses his English accent and takes on this deep, slow Scottish one. Its brilliant. I also noticed he makes intense eye contact, usually with me because I am right across from him. But today in Shakespeare (same professor- right after poetry class) he was making eye contact with me. Craaaazy intense. But the weirdest thing is I can’t look away. Oh I want to, believe me. But it’s this little game I play where I try and see who can look away first. And not only is it incredibly awkward, but it makes me laugh, which only makes him stare at me more.
I just finished researching my photographer and I found (what I hope are) three very interesting photographs to present to the class. I hate presentations when they serve no actual point. Sometimes they are cool or important, but this one? News flash Mary (my professor): NO ONE CARES.
John Green live on blogtv? HELLLLLZ YEAH.
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(im·prob·a·ble_fic·tion) 