Last weekend I, along with my mum, made the journey to North Carolina to see one of my best friends get married. Now, this best friend is a best friend from high school, the kind of best friend that still keeps in contact with more than two people from our graduating class (yes, I pretty much only care about three people I graduated with, one of whom is the one getting married). If you do the math, this means I had to see hell people I graduated with. I did not like this idea. But she really is one of my best friends so I said, “okay, sure, I’ll be in your wedding.” (Actually I think I said something like YES OF COURSE!!!!!! but that is not the point).
I should have known this was going to be a semi-awful weekend, because the six hour journey took almost eight and a half. By that point, I was singing highly off key (on purpose) because there was no where my mother could go. Because I’m a lovely daughter like that. Then I got the BRILLIANT idea to go to a coffee shop I used to work at. Only problem- they close at 9, we were still on I-95, and it was about 8:35. Let’s just say it is a miracle that my mother did not get a ticket. We got there with about ten or so minutes to spare. Because she is a lovely mother like that.
I got my coffee, then drove over to my friend’s house where I would be staying. Actually, we went to my mum’s hotel first, to check her in. After that we drove to the CORRECT hotel, and checked her in for realz. THEN we went to my friends house. We talked for ever and I finally got in bed around 1 or something and I was exhausted. Sitting in a car for what seems like eternity will do that to you.
The next morning we went to the bridesmaids luncheon. It was….fun. We stood around on a porch drinking lemonade (soooooo southern) and then got lunch at this place (I forget the name). I met the other bridesmaids there (one of which was a classmate of mine) and let’s just say the reception was not very warm. I tried to engage people in conversation but when you are considered a northern invader things don’t go so well.
My place setting at the luncheon.
The best thing about lunch was the “entertainment” where Morgan’s (the bride) aunt spoke about memories she had of babysitting Morgs. The she sang. I think she made up the song, but her voice was….. okay let’s just say it, rip the band-aid off. It was terrible. But bless her heart she was trying and it took everything within us not to laugh. I think I held it together pretty well.
That night was the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. It started at 5 something and it was dreadfully hot- just dreadful. And that was an hour after the wedding would be, meaning it would be even HOTTER for the wedding. YAY! The rehearsal went about as well as rehearsals go… nobody really cared for the woman running the show (Joan, I think was her name? Some friend of the bride’s mother) and eventually we all went to eat.
The rehearsal dinner was lovely; I got a delicious piece of tuna. Yummmmy. The groom’s cake was also quite adorable:
The next day was the WEDDING and we had to pretty much sweat and sweat and sweat because we had to be there early. I had my hair in hot rollers, and wore them to the wedding location, and got many odd stares and laughs along the way. It was quite hilarious. Then came the wedding, where we had to practically journey to Middle Earth to get to the “alter.”
First we had to hind behind bushes.
Then we had to walk around/behind the guests.
Then we had to walk down the isle.
Then we had to cross over gravel.
Then we had to climb porch steps.
Then we had to climb more porch steps.
Then we had to turn to face the audience.
Then once everyone had done that, the bride came. And she looked quite beautiful:
After she made it, we had to turn and face her. A little ways into the ceremony, I felt something wet start dripping on my arm. How horrified I was when I found out IT WAS MY OWN FREAKING SWEAT! EW! DOUBLE EW! Then…..I could feel it rolling down my back. *gag* It was DISGUSTING, Internet. Simply DISGUSTING.
Informing my mother that it was really, really, really hot. (But she already knew.)
After the ceremony we took more pictures and then went to the reception where the bridal party was introduced. The guy couldn’t read my last name and it was embarrassing and I really didn’t want to be there but I suffered through it and before long they were cutting the cake. Then it was time to toss the garter/bouquet.
Oh. My. Gosh. Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover it. First, the groom was forced to be handcuffed and blindfolded and had to get the garter off with his teeth. I mean, whatever, gross, I don’t need to see some man sticking his face up my best friend’s dress. Then the guy who caught the garter had to put it on the girl who caught the bouquet. I did not know this. I am very, very, very, very, VERY, VERY, VERY glad I did not get the bouquet. Why you ask? Because the guy who got the garter put it on the girl who got the bouquet’s leg, and then pulled something out of his sleeve. And what was that, you may be asking? A THONG.
…..
Awkward to the EXTREME. Then it was time to leave.
Overall, it was an okay weekend. I got to see two of my three really good friends. I had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing other people from my high school, some of which didn’t acknowledge my existence, and tried not to even when I talked to them. And that is okay. I wish them all the luck in their lives.
I’m glad my friend is happy, I’m glad I got to see her, but I’m really glad to be home.
(im·prob·a·ble_fic·tion) 