Monthly Archives: July 2009

Je n’ai pas un titre astucieux, donc j’ai écrit ceci en français.

Oh dear, sweet readers of Improbable Fiction, remember that one time I told you not to get ulcers in your eyes? I believe I mentioned the pain, oh the terrible, terrible pain. Well, I think I can actually top it. I also posted about my doctor throwing around two possibilities of diseases I might have. One was Endometriosis and the other was Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. About a week or so before my cruise vacation I had blood taken. And when I returned from my cruise vacation the lab results were in. I then went back to my doctor where she confirmed a diagnosis and gave me a prescription for some pills to help the problem. Well that was about a week or so ago, and I have been struggling as to whether or not I was going to post anything about my problems on my blog and there are a couple of reasons as to why.

First, I really hate complaining. Sure, I complain from time to time (who doesn’t), but generally I don’t like telling people over and over again all of my problems. I keep things bottled up and I actually used to get in trouble when I was younger because I wouldn’t tell my mother when I was feeling sick or had headaches or back aches or anything. (“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU WHEN YOU WON’T TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG?!?!?) When friends come to me to talk I usually do the listening and the problem solving. You wouldn’t believe some of the things I have been told by my closest friends. But for some reason when they ask about me, I want to scream out every single problem I am going through, what I am thinking, how I am feeling, but when the time comes all I can muster up is a very unenthusiastic “Oh, I’m fine. But let’s get back to you. How can we help you?” I tend to take care of other people’s problems and then whatever energy I have left is spent of fixing me.

Second, talking about these things with strangers is very different than talking about them with best friends or family members. My two closest friends live very far away from me. One lives in Alabama, the other in North Carolina. Sure we have the occasional aim conversation but lately we don’t have the time to talk like we used to as one is engaged and works all the time, and the other just got back from a month long trip in India. Our lives are moving forward so fast we are having a hard enough time keeping up with ourselves, let alone each other. And my family has heard the news before (my mother was actually in the doctor’s office with me) so this brings me back to my first point. I don’t want to continually talk about this with them, as I am sure they will grow very tired of it very fast. That leaves you, the strangers that make up the world wide Internet. You don’t know me personally. Sure, you know about my adventures in England and the cruise to Mexico, and who could forget that magical night with Dave in France (*shudder*), but we have never actually met. We have never shook hands, hugged, nothing. There is this invisible line of what you need to know about me, and things I simply can’t share with you.

So why did I finally decide to share things with you? Well, to be perfectly honest and completely throw out my first point, I am lonely and don’t have many people to talk to lately. Like I said, my two best friends are so busy living their lives and I can’t seem to ask them to slow down and talk about me. I’ve tried, but I just can’t do it. I do consider my mother one of my best friends, but there is just a different element when discussing things with your mother and other girls your age. And I do love my sister, but sometimes it can be hard talking to her about these things. So I came here, to you.

Sure, you may not care. You may have no words of wisdom to share, or you may have encouraging thoughts. You may even be going through the same thing. Who knows? But I feel like I should post something about what has been going on, so here it goes.

When I went back to the doctor she confirmed her diagnosis of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. What this means is all of these cysts have decided to leave their nice little homes and take up residence on my ovaries. And sometimes when the weather hasn’t been nice or the bills go unpaid the cysts get angry. And when they get angry they go crazy and burst. Just like that. No note, no phone call, no smoke signal, nothing. Just *POOF* and they are gone. When this happens I tend to break out in a cold sweat and hit the fetal position because those nasty little cysts are some pretty mean sons of b*****s. After they are done exploding I am able to return to my everyday life until the next episode. And I think the whole thing about POS is not necessarily the pain thing (though that is a huge factor) but rather the scared thing. I am terrified this is going to mess up my chances of having children. My mother thinks that since I am not currently in the process of attempting to have children and that we are treating it early it won’t have any lasting results, but I don’t share her optimism. (I mean, I do to an extent. But come on, this is me we are talking about. Worrying is my specialty.) It is seriously one of my life long desires to have children and the mere possibility of not being able to have them is emotionally crippling.

Also while I was at the doctor’s office I talked to her about Restless Leg Syndrome. This is something my father has and I heard it could be hereditary. I looked up some of the symptoms and realized I was experiencing them on a daily basis (even as I type this) so it could be a possibility. I told her how my legs feel, particularly when I sit for longer periods of time such as in class or in the movies. At first it feels like there are some sort of creepy-crawly things in my legs, then it movies to a sort of numbing pain, as if they fell asleep. But without warning there comes this sharp pain and if I don’t move my legs I feel as though I am going to go insane. A couple of times during class it was all I could think about- getting up and moving my legs or I was going to go crazy. I actually remember ever since I was little I could never sit still for long, and to this day when I am watching a movie I change positions about a million times. From the couch to the chair to the floor to the chair again, then I’m lying sideways in the chair and all the while my mother is telling me to JUST. STAY. STILL.

Lastly at the doctor’s I talked to her about another problem that has been going on since I was very young. I have always had a hard time catching my breath. Often when I am doing nothing- just sitting there, or having a conversation or whatever, it feels as though I am suffocating. I try to take a deep breath but just can’t catch it. So I have to force myself to yawn, and this usually helps tremendously. I always thought I had some sort of mild case asthma, but every single doctor I have been to about this tells me I will grow out of it. I kid you not; I sat in a doctor’s office in Florida, at the age of eighteen, and the idiot told me I would grow out of it. When I told him I have been having this problem since I was probably six or seven and I was CLEARLY not growing out of it, he outright ignored me. But seeing as I now have a competent doctor, she asked me in-depth questions and didn’t seem surprised that I was having this problem. She thinks I have sleep apnea, which is a condition where you stop breathing while you are sleeping. As you can imagine, this is a serious problem. I like breathing. It tends to keep me alive. I have trouble catching my breath because I have a lack of oxygen. Now, get ready because what I am about to tell you is going to blow your mind. She said one of the indicators of sleep apnea is…. are you ready? RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME. Go figure. My mother has actually been diagnosed with sleep apnea before, so I’m not terribly surprised I have it. My doctor did however say that she has diagnosed it in children as old as six years old before! So now I have to schedule a sleep study where I go and these doctors hook me up to lots of wires and things, and record me sleeping. And then wake me up every time I stop breathing. And you can certianly count on a full post about that, because it is going to be quite the experience.

So I think, to sum up, the moral of the story is I love you Internet. I can come to you with my problems and you can either sit here and read them, or click the little “x” and never look back. Either way, I have someone to talk to.

Oh, and don’t get ulcers in your eyes. Or cysts on your ovaries.

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Somewhere My Mother is Wondering Where She Went Wrong.

Over on my Bullshish blog I posted a review about a freaking fantastic web series I watch called Dorm Life. You should be watching this too. My mother doesn’t understand why I love it so very much. I don’t understand why she apparently hates happiness. But still, we learn to survive with each other. Anywho, go check it out!

This isn’t real life. This is Dorm Life.

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Thug Story

So this video was part of the opening of the CMT awards and features Taylor Swift, a talented country singer who never seemed to have a thug bone in her body (and if you need further proof check out her Love Story video. If that isn’t proof this gal is all glam and no street, I don’t know what is.) and T-Pain a noted rapper. Not only is this song random, but the lyrics are hysterical. Enjoy.

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Book Club Update!

Oh dear, sweet Internet. Remember that time I said I was going to attempt to read 50 books in one year? And then I would write a review on each book? (Here is a link in case you don’t have the slightest idea to what I am talking about.) Well I don’t deny that I haven’t been keeping up with my book club like I said I would. I have been reading, of course, but I haven’t had the energy time to write on each and every book. But fear not! I really plan to before the end of the year. But for now, here is a list of the books I have been reading, in no particular order, in case anyone has slightly wondered where I’m at.

1. 13 Little Blue Envelopes by Maureen Johnson

Read my review here.

2. An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

Read my review here.

3. George’s Marvelous Medicine by Ronald Dahl

Read my review here.

4. Broken Glass by Arther Miller

Read my review here.

5. Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

Read my review here.

6. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling

Read my review here.

Read my book vs. movie review here.

7. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling

Read my book vs. movie review here.

8. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkiban by J.K. Rowling

9. The Victim by Saul Bellow

10. American and I by Anzia Yezierska

11. Survival in Auschwitz by Primo Levi

12. Goodbye Columbus by Phillip Roth

13. The Fixer by Bernard Malamud

14. The Chosen by Chiam Patok

15. Lovingkindness by Anne Rophie

16. Looking for Alaska by John Green

17. Paper Towns by John Green

18. The Reader by Bernhard Schlink

I figured at the beginning I could read four books a month and then six books in December or something. So right now I should be at book 28. This puts me at 10 books behind. JEEPERS! This is terrible! I have flown through the Harry Potter series, so I expect to be catching up sometime soon, where I will hopefully stay afloat! Golly. I need to get to reading!

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CRUISE VACATION: DAY NINE

Welcome back to the (not so) exciting continuation of Lauren’s travels via cruise ship! Without further ado, here is the rest of the intoxicating story:

Once we woke up we got ready for the day and basically all I did was talk to people via aim, uploaded pictures to facebook, and watched my cousin’s band recital where we learned all the gossip about her classmates. After that we went and visited my aunt’s flag business, a shop I haven’t seen in EVER. And I don’t mean that in my usual over dramatic meaning, I mean I have never seen her flag business. From there we were just going to head over to the airport, as it was about fifteen minutes away.

Well, before we left I my aunt couldn’t find her phone so we just left without it (she is really laid back and casual, so she didn’t really care). So we went to the flag business, looked around and took a few pics, then we made our way to the airport where she dropped us off. We checked our luggage got our stuff together and made our way to security. I then pulled out my father’s phone from my pocket and said, “Father, since we are about to get to security I thought I would give this back to you. You left it on the counter and I grabbed it!” He then said things like “you creep” , “give it back” , etc, when he looked at the phone and made a face as if he had missed the most important call of his life. I said, “what is wrong???” and that is when we realized WE had my AUNT’S phone!!! They both have iPhones and both have the same black cover on these phones so when I grabbed it I thought it was his, when really it wasn’t.

Whoops.

So then my uncle came back to get the phone, luckily the airport is a fifteen or so minute drive away!!! We are still laughing about it. Anywho, we got on the plane where we had an amazing stewardess who sang to us. Then we got off the plane, got our luggage, drove an hour and ten minutes, got to the house, hugged my other grandmother, went to see the decorations at my sister’s apartment, came back home, and FINALLY went to bed!

In case that wasn’t totally clear, my other grandmother has been at the house the entire time we were on the cruise, decorating my sister’s apartment. Pictures below!

My aunt's flag shop! (Obviously a behind-the-scenes shot.)

My aunt's flag shop! (Obviously a behind-the-scenes shot.)

The front of the shop!

The front of the shop!

So sad.

So sad.

The correct way to live your life.

The correct way to live your life.

At the airport, waiting for our car!

At the airport, waiting for our car!

Very sleepy, but the Bard is happy. Yes, I took him along. HE NEEDS TO SEE THE WORLD!

Very sleepy, but the Bard is happy. Yes, I took him along. HE NEEDS TO SEE THE WORLD!

Kitchen area

Kitchen area

The bird cage thing on the wall

The bird cage thing on the wall

Main room

Main room

Curtains, courtsey of your's truly.

Curtains, courtsey of your's truly.

Headwig!

Headwig!

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading about my vacation! If you missed any of the days you can EASILY catch up here. Buh-byes for now.

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CRUISE VACATION: DAY EIGHT

I’m so glad you were concerned enough about evil robots that you HAD to come back to see if it was true or not. Well let us continue with the story to find out…

It was so early when my mum woke me up to get ready to leave. But I got up and got ready and we got our behinds off of that ship! It was an exciting trip home. One that was only supposed to last for three hours ended up taking four or five! (Sound familiar Gilligan?) First there was traffic, which was ridiculous considering it was for roadwork. The kind of roadwork where there were all of these signs and things, and yet no actual roadwork going on. Then we took a wrong exit. Then we stopped for food, where crazily enough we ran into some people from the cruise that we met on the way to Cozumel! That was really fun.

Then we made it back to Birmingham, unloaded the cars and even though we were DEAD tired, we went and saw HARRY POTTER!!!! because we are hard core Harry Potter fans. EEEP! You can read my review of it HERE. After the movie we had a small dinner and then it was most definitely time for sleeps.

Be SURE to come back tomorrow for the finale of Lauren’s exciting week of travel! You WON’T want to miss it!!
Sadly, no pictures to show today, however you can read all about the first seven days of my vacation here.

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CRUISE VACATION: DAY SEVEN

If you are reading this, then that means you came back despite the lack of yesterday’s cliffhanger. Or you could have just stumbled upon this website and found yourself reading this and wondering just what the heck I am talking about with all this “lack of cliffhanger stuff.” FEAR NOT oh weary traveler of the Interweb, for I bring you great tidings of good blogs. If you click right HERE you can have the opportunity to read all about the last six days of my vacation at sea. Or you can continue reading this post and just sort of piece together my journey. Whatever you prefer.

So last night ended with me completely wiped out, falling asleep in no time. Today began with me not ever wanting to get out of bed. EVER. And I wasn’t planning on waking up for a while until the mention of BREAKFAST, which I normally don’t eat but today not only was I extremely tired, but I was extremely hungry for PANCAKES, nectar of the breakfast Gods. So off we (my mum, sister, and I) went to The Seven Seas dining room, without a stitch of makeup, straight out of bed. Gross, I know.

Once we got there we were seated with two other girls who were very nice! Our waiter flirted with my grandmother (danced with her, kissed her on the cheek, cut up her meal and fed her a few bites… you know, real hard core stuff). After breakfast I baked in the sun and got quite burnt. I put on suntan lotion on my shoulders, I think it was like 400 SPF, and they STILL got burnt to a crisp.  That was all that burned actually. Just my shoulders. So weird.

After that fun it was time for lunch! I got the most amazing sandwich- absolutely divine. Then came time for another RIVITING game of BINGO, and let me just go ahead and say I have some of the worst luck. It was seven game progressive BINGO where you keep the same card and each game goes up ten dollars. We are sitting at 140 or so dollars and I am one away from BINGO. Well when you are one away from BINGO you are supposed to stand up, so I did. Rick the BINGO guy was all “Oh I see you standin up young lady. Just what do you need to get BINGO?” To which I replied G58. Not so hard right? Well he called G56, he called G59 he called G57 and every number EXCEPT G58. And another person got BINGO. This little predicament happened TWICE! Can you even believe it?!??!? I am still so sad.

Then it was time for The Liars Club, which consisted of a panel of three people who worked on the cruise and three members of the audience. TORY, our cruise director, was the “announcer” type lady who mediated between the panels. What happens is TORY would say a word, and the cruise panel would each give a unique definition of what they believed it meant. Then the audience panel would say whom they agree with, and the correct person would stand up. This was similar to the game show To Tell the Truth, or two lies and a truth. I must say that this was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. The cruise panel consisted of a European named Laura, a southern guy from Alabama named Rick, and a real dry humored, sarcastic gal named Rachel. Laura started each definition off with a different country in Eruope that the word originated in, Rick would start it off with a different wife (my first wife, my third wife, when my fifth wife left me…) and Rachel would begin every definition with “Well, I don’t know if you know this, but I’m from Portland Oregon…”

The game lasted for about thirty minutes and after every definition three different audience members were called up. I really loved this game, it was probably one of my favorite “on the ship” things we did. After The Liars Club came an animal towel folding class where we learned how to make two of the animals that were on our bed every night. We made a dog and an elephant, and the results were very interesting.

After towel folding came packing to go home and getting ready for dinner. Dinner was great- I had the most AMAZING salmon of my LIFE. Seriously, I could have eaten nine million plates of that stuff.

After dinner we didn’t really do much. Finished packing and I read a little, but now it is time for sleeps! See you tomorrow bright and early to disembark the ship!!

What happened after this? Did Lauren and her family make it back safely? Did they even make it off the ship? DID AN EVIL ROBOT TAKE OVER HER COMPUTER AND TYPE UP THIS BLOG? I suppose you will just have to return tomorrow to find out!

These are supposed to be dogs.

These are supposed to be dogs.

These are supposed to be elephants.

These are supposed to be elephants.

Martini bus!!

Martini bus!!

Laying out! ALMOST FELL OFF THE BOAT. Not really though.

Laying out! ALMOST FELL OFF THE BOAT. Not really though.

My cousin doesn't look too happy with life.

My cousin doesn't look too happy with life.

Once again you can view all previous cruise vacation blogs HERE!

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