Monthly Archives: July 2009

Je n’ai pas un titre astucieux, donc j’ai écrit ceci en français.

Oh dear, sweet readers of Improbable Fiction, remember that one time I told you not to get ulcers in your eyes? I believe I mentioned the pain, oh the terrible, terrible pain. Well, I think I can actually top it. I also posted about my doctor throwing around two possibilities of diseases I might have. One was Endometriosis and the other was Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. About a week or so before my cruise vacation I had blood taken. And when I returned from my cruise vacation the lab results were in. I then went back to my doctor where she confirmed a diagnosis and gave me a prescription for some pills to help the problem. Well that was about a week or so ago, and I have been struggling as to whether or not I was going to post anything about my problems on my blog and there are a couple of reasons as to why.

First, I really hate complaining. Sure, I complain from time to time (who doesn’t), but generally I don’t like telling people over and over again all of my problems. I keep things bottled up and I actually used to get in trouble when I was younger because I wouldn’t tell my mother when I was feeling sick or had headaches or back aches or anything. (“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU WHEN YOU WON’T TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG?!?!?) When friends come to me to talk I usually do the listening and the problem solving. You wouldn’t believe some of the things I have been told by my closest friends. But for some reason when they ask about me, I want to scream out every single problem I am going through, what I am thinking, how I am feeling, but when the time comes all I can muster up is a very unenthusiastic “Oh, I’m fine. But let’s get back to you. How can we help you?” I tend to take care of other people’s problems and then whatever energy I have left is spent of fixing me.

Second, talking about these things with strangers is very different than talking about them with best friends or family members. My two closest friends live very far away from me. One lives in Alabama, the other in North Carolina. Sure we have the occasional aim conversation but lately we don’t have the time to talk like we used to as one is engaged and works all the time, and the other just got back from a month long trip in India. Our lives are moving forward so fast we are having a hard enough time keeping up with ourselves, let alone each other. And my family has heard the news before (my mother was actually in the doctor’s office with me) so this brings me back to my first point. I don’t want to continually talk about this with them, as I am sure they will grow very tired of it very fast. That leaves you, the strangers that make up the world wide Internet. You don’t know me personally. Sure, you know about my adventures in England and the cruise to Mexico, and who could forget that magical night with Dave in France (*shudder*), but we have never actually met. We have never shook hands, hugged, nothing. There is this invisible line of what you need to know about me, and things I simply can’t share with you.

So why did I finally decide to share things with you? Well, to be perfectly honest and completely throw out my first point, I am lonely and don’t have many people to talk to lately. Like I said, my two best friends are so busy living their lives and I can’t seem to ask them to slow down and talk about me. I’ve tried, but I just can’t do it. I do consider my mother one of my best friends, but there is just a different element when discussing things with your mother and other girls your age. And I do love my sister, but sometimes it can be hard talking to her about these things. So I came here, to you.

Sure, you may not care. You may have no words of wisdom to share, or you may have encouraging thoughts. You may even be going through the same thing. Who knows? But I feel like I should post something about what has been going on, so here it goes.

When I went back to the doctor she confirmed her diagnosis of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. What this means is all of these cysts have decided to leave their nice little homes and take up residence on my ovaries. And sometimes when the weather hasn’t been nice or the bills go unpaid the cysts get angry. And when they get angry they go crazy and burst. Just like that. No note, no phone call, no smoke signal, nothing. Just *POOF* and they are gone. When this happens I tend to break out in a cold sweat and hit the fetal position because those nasty little cysts are some pretty mean sons of b*****s. After they are done exploding I am able to return to my everyday life until the next episode. And I think the whole thing about POS is not necessarily the pain thing (though that is a huge factor) but rather the scared thing. I am terrified this is going to mess up my chances of having children. My mother thinks that since I am not currently in the process of attempting to have children and that we are treating it early it won’t have any lasting results, but I don’t share her optimism. (I mean, I do to an extent. But come on, this is me we are talking about. Worrying is my specialty.) It is seriously one of my life long desires to have children and the mere possibility of not being able to have them is emotionally crippling.

Also while I was at the doctor’s office I talked to her about Restless Leg Syndrome. This is something my father has and I heard it could be hereditary. I looked up some of the symptoms and realized I was experiencing them on a daily basis (even as I type this) so it could be a possibility. I told her how my legs feel, particularly when I sit for longer periods of time such as in class or in the movies. At first it feels like there are some sort of creepy-crawly things in my legs, then it movies to a sort of numbing pain, as if they fell asleep. But without warning there comes this sharp pain and if I don’t move my legs I feel as though I am going to go insane. A couple of times during class it was all I could think about- getting up and moving my legs or I was going to go crazy. I actually remember ever since I was little I could never sit still for long, and to this day when I am watching a movie I change positions about a million times. From the couch to the chair to the floor to the chair again, then I’m lying sideways in the chair and all the while my mother is telling me to JUST. STAY. STILL.

Lastly at the doctor’s I talked to her about another problem that has been going on since I was very young. I have always had a hard time catching my breath. Often when I am doing nothing- just sitting there, or having a conversation or whatever, it feels as though I am suffocating. I try to take a deep breath but just can’t catch it. So I have to force myself to yawn, and this usually helps tremendously. I always thought I had some sort of mild case asthma, but every single doctor I have been to about this tells me I will grow out of it. I kid you not; I sat in a doctor’s office in Florida, at the age of eighteen, and the idiot told me I would grow out of it. When I told him I have been having this problem since I was probably six or seven and I was CLEARLY not growing out of it, he outright ignored me. But seeing as I now have a competent doctor, she asked me in-depth questions and didn’t seem surprised that I was having this problem. She thinks I have sleep apnea, which is a condition where you stop breathing while you are sleeping. As you can imagine, this is a serious problem. I like breathing. It tends to keep me alive. I have trouble catching my breath because I have a lack of oxygen. Now, get ready because what I am about to tell you is going to blow your mind. She said one of the indicators of sleep apnea is…. are you ready? RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME. Go figure. My mother has actually been diagnosed with sleep apnea before, so I’m not terribly surprised I have it. My doctor did however say that she has diagnosed it in children as old as six years old before! So now I have to schedule a sleep study where I go and these doctors hook me up to lots of wires and things, and record me sleeping. And then wake me up every time I stop breathing. And you can certianly count on a full post about that, because it is going to be quite the experience.

So I think, to sum up, the moral of the story is I love you Internet. I can come to you with my problems and you can either sit here and read them, or click the little “x” and never look back. Either way, I have someone to talk to.

Oh, and don’t get ulcers in your eyes. Or cysts on your ovaries.

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Somewhere My Mother is Wondering Where She Went Wrong.

Over on my Bullshish blog I posted a review about a freaking fantastic web series I watch called Dorm Life. You should be watching this too. My mother doesn’t understand why I love it so very much. I don’t understand why she apparently hates happiness. But still, we learn to survive with each other. Anywho, go check it out!

This isn’t real life. This is Dorm Life.

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Thug Story

So this video was part of the opening of the CMT awards and features Taylor Swift, a talented country singer who never seemed to have a thug bone in her body (and if you need further proof check out her Love Story video. If that isn’t proof this gal is all glam and no street, I don’t know what is.) and T-Pain a noted rapper. Not only is this song random, but the lyrics are hysterical. Enjoy.

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Book Club Update!

Oh dear, sweet Internet. Remember that time I said I was going to attempt to read 50 books in one year? And then I would write a review on each book? (Here is a link in case you don’t have the slightest idea to what I am talking about.) Well I don’t deny that I haven’t been keeping up with my book club like I said I would. I have been reading, of course, but I haven’t had the energy time to write on each and every book. But fear not! I really plan to before the end of the year. But for now, here is a list of the books I have been reading, in no particular order, in case anyone has slightly wondered where I’m at.

1. 13 Little Blue Envelopes by Maureen Johnson

Read my review here.

2. An Abundance of Katherines by John Green

Read my review here.

3. George’s Marvelous Medicine by Ronald Dahl

Read my review here.

4. Broken Glass by Arther Miller

Read my review here.

5. Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

Read my review here.

6. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling

Read my review here.

Read my book vs. movie review here.

7. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling

Read my book vs. movie review here.

8. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkiban by J.K. Rowling

9. The Victim by Saul Bellow

10. American and I by Anzia Yezierska

11. Survival in Auschwitz by Primo Levi

12. Goodbye Columbus by Phillip Roth

13. The Fixer by Bernard Malamud

14. The Chosen by Chiam Patok

15. Lovingkindness by Anne Rophie

16. Looking for Alaska by John Green

17. Paper Towns by John Green

18. The Reader by Bernhard Schlink

I figured at the beginning I could read four books a month and then six books in December or something. So right now I should be at book 28. This puts me at 10 books behind. JEEPERS! This is terrible! I have flown through the Harry Potter series, so I expect to be catching up sometime soon, where I will hopefully stay afloat! Golly. I need to get to reading!

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CRUISE VACATION: DAY NINE

Welcome back to the (not so) exciting continuation of Lauren’s travels via cruise ship! Without further ado, here is the rest of the intoxicating story:

Once we woke up we got ready for the day and basically all I did was talk to people via aim, uploaded pictures to facebook, and watched my cousin’s band recital where we learned all the gossip about her classmates. After that we went and visited my aunt’s flag business, a shop I haven’t seen in EVER. And I don’t mean that in my usual over dramatic meaning, I mean I have never seen her flag business. From there we were just going to head over to the airport, as it was about fifteen minutes away.

Well, before we left I my aunt couldn’t find her phone so we just left without it (she is really laid back and casual, so she didn’t really care). So we went to the flag business, looked around and took a few pics, then we made our way to the airport where she dropped us off. We checked our luggage got our stuff together and made our way to security. I then pulled out my father’s phone from my pocket and said, “Father, since we are about to get to security I thought I would give this back to you. You left it on the counter and I grabbed it!” He then said things like “you creep” , “give it back” , etc, when he looked at the phone and made a face as if he had missed the most important call of his life. I said, “what is wrong???” and that is when we realized WE had my AUNT’S phone!!! They both have iPhones and both have the same black cover on these phones so when I grabbed it I thought it was his, when really it wasn’t.

Whoops.

So then my uncle came back to get the phone, luckily the airport is a fifteen or so minute drive away!!! We are still laughing about it. Anywho, we got on the plane where we had an amazing stewardess who sang to us. Then we got off the plane, got our luggage, drove an hour and ten minutes, got to the house, hugged my other grandmother, went to see the decorations at my sister’s apartment, came back home, and FINALLY went to bed!

In case that wasn’t totally clear, my other grandmother has been at the house the entire time we were on the cruise, decorating my sister’s apartment. Pictures below!

My aunt's flag shop! (Obviously a behind-the-scenes shot.)

My aunt's flag shop! (Obviously a behind-the-scenes shot.)

The front of the shop!

The front of the shop!

So sad.

So sad.

The correct way to live your life.

The correct way to live your life.

At the airport, waiting for our car!

At the airport, waiting for our car!

Very sleepy, but the Bard is happy. Yes, I took him along. HE NEEDS TO SEE THE WORLD!

Very sleepy, but the Bard is happy. Yes, I took him along. HE NEEDS TO SEE THE WORLD!

Kitchen area

Kitchen area

The bird cage thing on the wall

The bird cage thing on the wall

Main room

Main room

Curtains, courtsey of your's truly.

Curtains, courtsey of your's truly.

Headwig!

Headwig!

Well, I hope you enjoyed reading about my vacation! If you missed any of the days you can EASILY catch up here. Buh-byes for now.

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CRUISE VACATION: DAY EIGHT

I’m so glad you were concerned enough about evil robots that you HAD to come back to see if it was true or not. Well let us continue with the story to find out…

It was so early when my mum woke me up to get ready to leave. But I got up and got ready and we got our behinds off of that ship! It was an exciting trip home. One that was only supposed to last for three hours ended up taking four or five! (Sound familiar Gilligan?) First there was traffic, which was ridiculous considering it was for roadwork. The kind of roadwork where there were all of these signs and things, and yet no actual roadwork going on. Then we took a wrong exit. Then we stopped for food, where crazily enough we ran into some people from the cruise that we met on the way to Cozumel! That was really fun.

Then we made it back to Birmingham, unloaded the cars and even though we were DEAD tired, we went and saw HARRY POTTER!!!! because we are hard core Harry Potter fans. EEEP! You can read my review of it HERE. After the movie we had a small dinner and then it was most definitely time for sleeps.

Be SURE to come back tomorrow for the finale of Lauren’s exciting week of travel! You WON’T want to miss it!!
Sadly, no pictures to show today, however you can read all about the first seven days of my vacation here.

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CRUISE VACATION: DAY SEVEN

If you are reading this, then that means you came back despite the lack of yesterday’s cliffhanger. Or you could have just stumbled upon this website and found yourself reading this and wondering just what the heck I am talking about with all this “lack of cliffhanger stuff.” FEAR NOT oh weary traveler of the Interweb, for I bring you great tidings of good blogs. If you click right HERE you can have the opportunity to read all about the last six days of my vacation at sea. Or you can continue reading this post and just sort of piece together my journey. Whatever you prefer.

So last night ended with me completely wiped out, falling asleep in no time. Today began with me not ever wanting to get out of bed. EVER. And I wasn’t planning on waking up for a while until the mention of BREAKFAST, which I normally don’t eat but today not only was I extremely tired, but I was extremely hungry for PANCAKES, nectar of the breakfast Gods. So off we (my mum, sister, and I) went to The Seven Seas dining room, without a stitch of makeup, straight out of bed. Gross, I know.

Once we got there we were seated with two other girls who were very nice! Our waiter flirted with my grandmother (danced with her, kissed her on the cheek, cut up her meal and fed her a few bites… you know, real hard core stuff). After breakfast I baked in the sun and got quite burnt. I put on suntan lotion on my shoulders, I think it was like 400 SPF, and they STILL got burnt to a crisp.  That was all that burned actually. Just my shoulders. So weird.

After that fun it was time for lunch! I got the most amazing sandwich- absolutely divine. Then came time for another RIVITING game of BINGO, and let me just go ahead and say I have some of the worst luck. It was seven game progressive BINGO where you keep the same card and each game goes up ten dollars. We are sitting at 140 or so dollars and I am one away from BINGO. Well when you are one away from BINGO you are supposed to stand up, so I did. Rick the BINGO guy was all “Oh I see you standin up young lady. Just what do you need to get BINGO?” To which I replied G58. Not so hard right? Well he called G56, he called G59 he called G57 and every number EXCEPT G58. And another person got BINGO. This little predicament happened TWICE! Can you even believe it?!??!? I am still so sad.

Then it was time for The Liars Club, which consisted of a panel of three people who worked on the cruise and three members of the audience. TORY, our cruise director, was the “announcer” type lady who mediated between the panels. What happens is TORY would say a word, and the cruise panel would each give a unique definition of what they believed it meant. Then the audience panel would say whom they agree with, and the correct person would stand up. This was similar to the game show To Tell the Truth, or two lies and a truth. I must say that this was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. The cruise panel consisted of a European named Laura, a southern guy from Alabama named Rick, and a real dry humored, sarcastic gal named Rachel. Laura started each definition off with a different country in Eruope that the word originated in, Rick would start it off with a different wife (my first wife, my third wife, when my fifth wife left me…) and Rachel would begin every definition with “Well, I don’t know if you know this, but I’m from Portland Oregon…”

The game lasted for about thirty minutes and after every definition three different audience members were called up. I really loved this game, it was probably one of my favorite “on the ship” things we did. After The Liars Club came an animal towel folding class where we learned how to make two of the animals that were on our bed every night. We made a dog and an elephant, and the results were very interesting.

After towel folding came packing to go home and getting ready for dinner. Dinner was great- I had the most AMAZING salmon of my LIFE. Seriously, I could have eaten nine million plates of that stuff.

After dinner we didn’t really do much. Finished packing and I read a little, but now it is time for sleeps! See you tomorrow bright and early to disembark the ship!!

What happened after this? Did Lauren and her family make it back safely? Did they even make it off the ship? DID AN EVIL ROBOT TAKE OVER HER COMPUTER AND TYPE UP THIS BLOG? I suppose you will just have to return tomorrow to find out!

These are supposed to be dogs.

These are supposed to be dogs.

These are supposed to be elephants.

These are supposed to be elephants.

Martini bus!!

Martini bus!!

Laying out! ALMOST FELL OFF THE BOAT. Not really though.

Laying out! ALMOST FELL OFF THE BOAT. Not really though.

My cousin doesn't look too happy with life.

My cousin doesn't look too happy with life.

Once again you can view all previous cruise vacation blogs HERE!

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CRUISE VACATION: DAY SIX

And now, the moment you have all been waiting for- the EXCITING continuation of Lauren’s travels!

Let’s see… where did we leave off? I believe it was dinnertime. Our waiters did a hilarious dance, which I just so happened to catch on tape for YOU Internet. I do it all for YOU. After we finished dinner we headed back to the room for some sleeps. You see, we had to get up bright and early the next day for Calica (Cal-eek-a), where we would be seeing the Mayan Ruins.

Fast forward to 6:30 when I woke up. Now, usually I skip on the details of getting up and just go straight into the day. But something special happened this morning. Something special as in MY 21st BIRTHDAY! So I think that every detail of today is important. Okay, not really, but you could at least humor me. Once we were ready to go, my entire family went to the docks and met up with our tour guide, who was one of the sweetest people ever. We then took an hour or so long bus ride to the Mayan Ruins, stopping along the way to see how they made many of the souvenirs sold to tourists.

Once we got to the ruins we walked around with our tour guide who told us many interesting facts about the place, a lot of which I have sadly forgotten, although some of the more interesting ones have stayed with me. For instance, the Mayans were some of the most brilliant people, but knowledge is power so the elders kept it to themselves instead of educating the people (and more importantly the kids). They didn’t share this knowledge because they wanted the power all to themselves. Another interesting fact (although somewhat grotesque) is how they did human sacrifices. They would take a man (usually a prisoner of war) and lay him on a rock. Then two people would hold his arms above his head while two other people held his feet. They would pull the man, stretching him, and someone would make an incision under his ribcage. They would then PULL OUT HIS BEATING HEART, thus ending the sacrifice. These people and their sacrifices…

After the tour ended I was just absolutely sick to my stomach. I think it is from the poison of TEN THOUSAND mosquitoes bites on my back and legs. Horseback riding comes at a price people. (My mum said it looks as though I have the measles! My sister also has thousands up her legs. Insanity.) So anywho, I was sick and there were two options. Option #1- go shop in the boiling heat or option #2- go swim in the beach. We had about an hour to kill before our bus headed back to the cruise ship so I went with option #2 and swam the heck out of that beach. I haven’t been to the beach in ages and now I remember why. I detest, I mean absolutely DETEST salt water and I got a good eye, nose, and mouthful of the stuff. After swimming for about thirty or so minutes I went back to the shops to get a present for some friends.

Before I knew it the bus was here and it was time to go back to the beloved cruise ship. I then came back and stopped at one more store where I saw really beautiful earrings. I asked how much they were and the man said 400 pesos, or 40 USD, so I politely declined. He then tried to offer then to me for 30 dollars but since I was shopping for a friend I said no. Well he didn’t like that AT ALL and got kind of mean. The bad thing was I picked up a shot glass to get my friend and I think he bumped up the price of the shot glass because I didn’t get the earrings. I mean, I love my friends but if I am going to spend 30 dollars on earrings, those will be on MY ears.

So I got back to the ship, showered, changed and then it was MOVIE time! Now they don’t have a movie theater on this ship (I know, the horrors) so I am forced to catch a movie on the T.V. in my room. The thing is, they show movies every three hours, instead of continuously. How absurd is that? I had about ten minutes until the next movie came on and I was desperately trying to find things in the room to do until then. I fixed my hair, picked out my clothes for dinner, repacked my suitcase, loaded my pictures up and then FINALLY the movie came on. Now I just found out there are three movie channels. Before I had only known about the one, and all it played was Return to Witch Mountain (or whatever it is called… the one with The Rock) and I have to admit it was pretty good! But I had seen it twice (well I missed the first ten or so minutes each time) and I wanted something different. So the movie started and I thought to myself, “Self, this cannot be what I think it is. No. No. NO NO NO NO NO!!!” For it was none other than Paul Blart: Mall Cop. A movie so awful that I cannot put into words how much I dislike it.  So I changed it and happily watched Slumdog Millionaire. And may I just say again that those are the most adorable children IN THE WORLD!

After the movie it was time to PARTY. Not really because there wasn’t much going on, so my mum and I played cards with my aunt, cousins, and grandmother. At first we played SPADES, which was fun because I have never played that before. Then we played “Items from the purse” which was really spoons, but seeing as we had no spoons we played with items from our purses. Then we played Tongues, which sounds weird but it is just like spoons. However, instead of grabbing spoons you stick out your tongue. This is a lot harder than spoons because you have to look at your cards, pass them, AND look at peoples faces to see if they have their tongues out. After those thrilling games we got ready for dinner where the waiters sang to me and we had wine! Woot! For dinner I had lamb, which was really good, but at this point I think the majority of our family was sick from the EXTREME rocking of the boat. On the Disney cruise I went on a couple of years back I never felt the ship rock, except maybe once. I have felt it A LOT this time, which is really weird. But back to the important things like how our waiters danced for us YET AGAIN! I haz the video for you, because once again I say, I do it ALL for YOU.

And after dinner my brother and I went and played BINGO to which we lost. Sad, I know. Then it was time for the TALENT SHOW! How exciting! I was really hoping for some interesting acts, but sadly they were all singing. One old guy named SKEET played the piano and sang, and he my least favorite. He turned a three-minute song into a ninety-minute song. I thought I was going to meet my maker by the time he was done. Other than him, the rest of the people did great! The show was good but by then we were so exhausted it was time for sleeps. I fell asleep in no time, which is rare. And this is where today’s travels end.

Wow, that was an amazing story! And a happy Birthday to you Lauren! Since she decided to go ahead and fill you in on her entire day leaving you NO cliffhanger for tomorrow, I leave you with no witty comment other than just come on back and read how her LAST day at sea went! I promise you, you will NOT want to miss this.

The long walk to the ruins. My brother was the only person next to me the enitre way.

The long walk to the ruins. My brother was the only person next to me the enitre way.

Smile!!

Smile!!

My cousin making faces!

My cousin making faces!

My baby brother!

My baby brother!

My brother the giant!

My brother the giant!

A small part of the Ruins

A small part of the Ruins

The place where they would cut out the prisioner's heart!

The place where they would cut out the prisioner's heart!

More of the Ruins

More of the Ruins

The amazing beach where we went swimming!

The amazing beach where we went swimming!

Decorations!

Decorations!

Decorations all on the ceiling!

Decorations all on the ceiling!

YUMMMM! :D

YUMMMM! 😀

You can read all about my vacation by clicking HERE!

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CRUISE VACATION: DAY FIVE

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

I think the best part of last night is what happened on the way to dinner. My mother and I were going to the upper parts of the deck to take pictures of this giant chess set they had set up (and yes, the Harry Potter references are constantly being made). So we get on the elevator (and may I just say that I don’t know what it is about elevators but people are SO friendly on them!) anyway, we ran into this little kid who looked like he had been severely sunburned. My mum said “Oh, looks like you got some sun” when he replied, “Oh, I was in the hot tub.” Then this conversation happened:

Mum: “Oh the hot tub!”

Boy: “Yeah. I had to get out. These tan girls were going to kill me.”

Mum: “Tan girls were going to kill you?”

Boy: “Yeah.”

*A father and his daughter then get on the elevator*

Mum: (noticing the fake tattoo across his back) “So you got a tattoo, huh?”

Boy: “Sure did.”

Mum: “You are pretty tough. How old are you, 35?”

Boy: “Ten.”

Little girl: “You are short for a ten year old.”

Boy: “Everyone always says that.”

Little girl: “I am ten and I am taller than you!”

Mum: “That’s okay, when my son was your age he was the shortest one. When he turned 16 he shot up to 6’ 1” and hasn’t stopped!”

Boy: “Then I am going to be taller than you when I am 16 years old!”

Little girl: “No, you’ll see. When I am 16 I’ll STILL be taller than you! You will come up to my forehead.”

At this point we had all gotten off of the elevator on the same floor where they boy and girl shouted back and forth all the way down the hall (one going to the left, one to the right). I think that conversation has been the highlight of my trip; that boy was so adorable!

Dinner was great last night! We celebrated my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary and surprised them with a cake and cards. Then our waiters sang to us, which was absolutely hysterical.  A few of our guys didn’t know they words so they had cheat sheets that they would reference. It was so cute! Then they grabbed people from the table and made them dance. At one point they had gotten my aunt up there and thought the man sitting next to her was her husband, so they asked him to come dance with her. Except that man was my father (her brother) and he politely said, “No way! That is my sister! There are laws against that sort of thing…” to which we all pointed out that they are from Alabama so technically they are exempt from those laws. HA!

After dinner we went to the show they were having. It was very interesting-mainly singing and dancing to songs from the 50’s and 60’s with a few random 90’s country songs. There was a LOT of skin from both the men and the woman and all I am saying is if you are going to be dancing with a big poofy skirt and you are going to be lifted in the air with your legs spread for the whole world to see your business, you may want to think twice before wearing a thong. (Just a word of caution.)

After the show we went to sleeps so we could wake up nice and early for our daily excursion in Cozumel, Mexico! My sister and I went horseback riding, which was quite the adventure. Our tour guide Clinton was hilarious and so much fun. The actual horse experience was very interesting. When we first got there they tried to put me on this GIANT horse. I mean absolutely humongous. I could already tell that there was NO WAY I was going to be able to get on the horse and be able to reach the stirrup things, because just standing on the ground next to it, the horse was taller than me. Well they put me up there anyways. I couldn’t even swing my leg over! After I got up there they decided that it was too tall for me and had me get back down. Then they reached over and got the one horse that everyone wanted! All the horses were brown except for mine, which was brown and white and named Café Con Leche.

Sadly, having the horse everyone wants comes at a small price. This horse was bound and determined to eat EVERY SINGLE plant known to man. I mean she was having some serious hunger issues! Even when we got back to the ranch and had her tied to the fence, she started chewing on the wooden fence!!! Can you believe that? Girlfriend needed a diet not more food.

Along the trail we encountered ancient, original, authentic temples and caves and wells belonging to the Mayans (I think? The tour guide said it a million times but alas, I cannot remember). There we went to the goddess of love’s cave, which also served as a sacrificial ground and a hiding spot from intruders. The most interesting thing about this was why they sacrificed the people. Supposedly they would play some sort of game. The WINNING team’s captain would then be DECAPITATED because it is supposedly a high honor not only to win, but also to be decapitated for doing so. Our tour guide then said that is why Mexico has yet to win the Olympics. HA.

After we came back to the ship there was a chance to shop around the pier. I got a few gifts for some friends and a really cool black and pink blanket for me! Then I went back to the room to get ready for dinner, which is where I must leave you for today!

Once again Lauren finds herself not knowing what is to come after dinner tonight. Another show? Some BINGO? Only you will know… when you come back tomorrow of course!

The chess set!

The chess set!

My favorite picture!

My favorite picture!

Our waiters posing for my picture

Our waiters posing for my picture

My aunt dancing with the waiter

My aunt dancing with the waiter

My father raising a hand in protest.

My father raising a hand in protest.

The waiter doing a magic trick!

The waiter doing a magic trick!

Kodak moment!

Kodak moment!

The horseback riding ranch!

The horseback riding ranch!

My sister's horse, Capitan!

My sister's horse, Capitan!

The cave of the goddess of love

The cave of the goddess of love

A beach we passed on the way back to the ship

A beach we passed on the way back to the ship

This view was so beautiful!

This view was so beautiful!

A view of Cozumel from the ship

A view of Cozumel from the ship

Read all about day one, day two, day three, and day four!

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CRUISE VACATION: DAY FOUR

And now we join Lauren for the continuation of her journey:

After dinner last night my brother, sister, and I sort of hit a wall. My mum and I were planning on playing BINGO then join my brother and sister to see the comedian. Well after a wonderful dinner we realized just how tired we actually were. Getting up at 5am and no nap will do that to you. We all went to sleeps anticipating DAY FOUR!

Today we woke up and I had a lovely breakfast with my dad, mum, and uncle. Then I went back to my brother’s STATEROOM and spent the next ten minutes getting him out of bed and convincing him to go lay out in the sunny sunshine with me. FINALLY he gave in to my constant begging and away we went. It was rather warm but very nice. About two hours later we met up with the cousins and grandmother to play an exciting game of “movie quote trivia.” At the end of the game there was a four-way tie between my sister, two random ladies, and myself. One random lady got eliminated and it was down to the three of us. Now these last four questions were NOT movie quotes, but rather very, very RANDOM movie facts about movies that happened to be made before 1995. I don’t even really remember what they were but all in all I lost. My sister and I tied for second place. But the good news is that I got The Goonies quote correct even though I have never actually seen the movie.

After that my mum, sister and I went to the “marriage game” where we ran into my dad and grandfather. This game was absolutely hysterical! They took a couple married for 50 years, 10 years, and newlyweds. They were seated back to back and asked a series of ten questions. At the end of the game they read out the answers to see if they matched up. Out of the three couples the oldest were the funniest. The host just “HAPPENED” to forget to keep score and all couples won champagne and a trophy. Woot!

After the game my mum, sister and I finally played our RIVETING ROUND of BINGO. We lost (I was two spaces away) when we played Bingo, but my sister did win a French Bottle of Champagne during a raffle! We were very excited for her!!

After Bingo we walked around the ship and got the special drink of the day- a GOOMBAY SMASH. But now it is time for dinner, where we are celebrating my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary!

Lauren has no idea what is in store after dinner, but do be sure to check in tomorrow for the NEW and EXCITING details of her life at sea.

Sara and her bottle of champagne!

Sara and her bottle of champagne!

The random chess set found whilst walking around.

The random chess set found whilst walking around.

The pool area.

The pool area.

Read about day one here, day two here, and day three here!

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