Tag Archives: conversations

A post in which boys giggle and I suffer much humiliation.

This past Sunday I spent the day moving into my dorm. This involved going up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down stairs until everything was in my room. I don’t have that much stuff, but it seems like 900 million things when you don’t have your dad and brother there to do all of the lifting. Usually I just stand in my room and supervise, “no that goes there” or, “DAD! Don’t put that on the bed!” and even, “DON’T SLAM THAT TOTE DOWN DO YOU NOT SEE THE BREAKABLE SIGN I NEATLY TAPED ON IT???” I really am greatful for their help, but I don’t want my expensive perfume smashed into tiny bits. Now, the interesting thing about all of this up and down the stairs business is every time I passed my neighbor’s room his parents had the furniture arranged in a different way while he was telling them, “no this will not fit.” Curiosity got the better of me and I peeked in the room only to find they had a GIANT carpet to put down on the floor. So they turned it one way, but that didn’t work. So they turned it the other way. And then they had to lift up both of the beds so they could fit it in the room. By this time the desk was sticking half way out of the room, and halfway into the hall. My mom invited his mom into my room to show her how my roommate and I have set up our furniture because we find that it works out quite nicely. She then explained that he has a couple of chairs and OF COURSE they want their T.V. on its own stand so they could play video games.

Once my mother and I got everything in the room we realized we forgot my printer and microwave.  We went to pick those thigns up and when we got back we saw that he finally got everything to work out in his room, and they did this by shoving his dresser into his closet and turning his bed against a different wall. Now, I am not exaggerating when I say that they seriously have five hundred chairs in their room. I mean it; every time I go by I see one more chair in there!

I actually think I am going to like my hall this year. Last semester no one on the hall talked to anyone else, unless of course they were smoking pot outside, at 2 in the morning, allowing the fumes to drift into my room. My hall last semester was a weird bunch who didn’t smile and most likely killed babies for fun. My R.A. was practically non-existent. I believe I saw him in the dorm twice. My R.A. this year is better about being seen. He is nice and when we had our hall meeting he made us do an exciting “speed dating” thing. Except it wasn’t really speed dating we were just getting to know other people. We were uneven so the two lines were all out of sync so for a large majority of the game I got to know the same five people really well. Finally he came down to our end of the line and I told him I think we should invert the lines so we could get to know other people. Well let me tell you that was a disaster. I don’t think he understood what I meant, and after three minutes we finally got the line switched up enough that I met about three other people. So far everyone has been quite loud and happy. The guys right across from me have a Wii so they are constantly playing with the rest of the guys on the hall gathered around them telling them where to go or what to do, and they go there or do whatever is instructed to them which I suppose gains them more points or something, because five minutes later you can hear them SCREAMING and LAUGHING and GIGGLING and slapping each other on the backs for a job well done.

Tuesday was the first day of classes. I had Teaching Exceptional Adolescents and French II. TEA was really fun; I really, really like my professor. That class is a basic instructional guide on how to teach special education students. We are given case studies that we have to research and present to the class. I think the most notable thing from that class was when my professor was talking about the Swine Flu. He was telling us to be smart, and that we wouldn’t get it unless we didn’t wash our hands, or we let a pimp spit in our mouths. The class was pretty silent for a few seconds and then all it takes is that one person to make a noise and suddenly everyone is laughing. I think if a pimp spit in my mouth swine flu would be the least of my worries. French was alright; I really, really, really loved my professor last semester but she sadly wasn’t teaching 106 this semester. So I have some guy whose name I simply cannot pronounce (I doubt I ever will) and he is… interesting. Being that this is French 106 he speaks 98% of the class time in French. He repeats himself in English when he can truly tell that we are lost. The thing about this class is that it is largely composed of Freshmen. I think I am the only senior (SENIOR!!!) in there. I am taking it again with my really good friend who is a sophomore, but other than us, I think there are only one or two more sophomores out of the 20 or so people in the class. But that isn’t even the interesting part. Get this. There is a TEN YEAR OLD in my class. A TEN YEAR OLD IN FRENCH II. And she is good. Everyone sort of stares at her with a hint of resentment as we stumble over verbs from last semester.

And now I must take a moment to tell you about my French classroom. On Tuesdays and Thursdays we have class in one room and on Mondays and Wednesdays it is in a different room (I have no idea why). Now, to get to the room on Tuesdays and Thursdays we have to go to the Sports Center. We have to go in, go past the gyms, go past the exercise rooms, past the rock climbing wall, past all of the sweaty people in exercise clothes who are staring at us because we are normally dressed with book bags and purses and things. Then we go down a set of stairs to a dead end and go in a door to a creepy hallway. Then we pass more exercise rooms and things, and FINALLY we come to the only two classrooms in the entire sports complex. Can someone please explain to me why on earth we have class here? The room is really big but our class is small, so it is hard to hear the professor because his voice (which is quite and masked by a really, really heavy French accent) carries up to the ceiling and we are all, “WHAT? WHAT DID HE SAY? PARDON?”

On Wednesday I went to my British Lit class with my professor named JAMES DEAN. He is a fiery old man and I think I am really going to enjoy the class. Then it was time for Grammar and my professor is awesomeeee. We had to go around the room and tell our name, status (SENIOR!!!) major, and something interesting about ourselves. One of the girls in my class was born on Christmas! That was exciting. I chose to share that I have lived in a lot of different states and then she asked if I could name them all, so I did. Then came the running. I have exactly 15 minutes to get from one building on one side of campus to another building on the other side of campus. I have to cross two streets; two busy streets full of cars and motorcycles and lights that never seem to change. If I am lucky I will make it on time to Psychology of Education, a class where we are required to keep a blog. I love that! We were assigned groups and we had to come up with a name, so my group is called the Purple Parrots from Legends of the Hidden Temple. We got our field placements and I am going to a nice school located in a different state. In reality it is only a 12 minute drive from my dorm, but it is in the next state over.

Then it was time to go back to French where we played charades in class using verbs we have learned. Now, let me explain this to you in case you don’t know this about me. I. HATE. GAMES. No, I take that back. I. LOATH. GAMES. With every fiber of my being, I loath them. I would rather sit at the dentist or the doctor getting shots or root canals than play a game in class. The first person goes and their verb is “to dance” and other people get words like “to sing” or “to talk on the telephone” or “to drink water.” So I get my card. And I look at my verb. And I’m all, “No, this can’t be right.” So I go up to him and say, “Ummm I forgot what this means.” And he told me it meant “to be busy.” And I said, “How do you act that out?” BECAUSE IT COULDN’T BE ACTED OUT. And he just looks at me and says, “I don’t know, make something up.”

…..

Okay Frenchie. Maybe you have a different way of playing charades in France, but here in America we act out what is on the card, and this simply CAN NOT be acted out. So I’m up in front of the room, and I tell the class “good luck” and begin to act this out. I pretend that I am writing on paper, and shuffling through other papers and then I keep looking at my watch, hoping this portrays my message. It did not. Everyone was guessing writing, or time, or anything but being busy. I stood up and looked at my professor and said, “I don’t know how else to act this out.” Then I heard it. Someone murmured “busy” to themselves and I said, “YES! NOW SAY IT IN FRENCH!” and the problem was NO ONE KNEW HOW. So while the professor was writing a clue on the board I flashed the card to my friend in hopes she would say the answer and I could sit down. No luck; she couldn’t read the writing. Finally they got it and I could go back to my seat.

Internet, it was awful. Just awful. I now loath that class.

And sadly, that is where I am off to now. So good bye people of the Interweb. I hope I make it through my class and don’t die of humiliation!

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I move into my dorm on Sunday and start classes on Tuesday. I promise more interesting blogs will be coming your way SOON.

Often in life I turn to my mother, sister, family member and/or best friend and say “remember the time we/you/I…” and then I go on about something that usually happened within the last, oh I don’t know, ten minutes or so, and they just look at me and say, “you mean the thing that just happened ten minutes ago?” To which I just say, “yes” and watch them ponder the question, as if I was testing their memory or going insane. Well it has sort of become a running joke in my family. I don’t remember (shockingly) what started me saying it, but I just sort of… did. I think something funny would happen and ten minutes later no one was laughing about it anymore, that is, no one but me, and I didn’t want to be the only one still laughing so I brought it back up to bring back the joy. Except it didn’t really work out that way. And then my mother would say something like, “go get me a pencil” and my sister would reply with “remember that time you told me to go get you a pencil?” Then they would double over with laughter as I sat there, directing icy glances in their general direction.

Well on Twitter (of which I happily have an account found HERE) there are “trending topics” and people insert this phrase or word into their daily tweets. These topics rapidly change (daily) and tonight I found myself thinking about random memories only to look at Twitter and see the number one trending topic was “remember when.” I clicked on this and found some very amusing (and quite frankly some very disturbing) “remember whens.” So because I 1)don’t have anything else interesting to blog about and 2)can’t tweet any of these because of a silly 140 character limit I am going to post some of the most random memories that come to my mind. Mind you, these are only fleeting moments of things that have happened in my life and as a gift to you, dear reader, I am letting YOU come up with the details of the situations. The how or why or what or when that would make this little moment possible.

Remember the time during Freshman year at college when I had to stand up in front of THOUSANDS of people and do an African chant/dance while wearing an actual dress from Africa and pretending to roast the Universities mascot in a fire?

Remember the time I punched Alan Hanson because he tried to kiss me at Taylor Wall’s birthday party?

Remember the time I stood on a fake stone wall at Disney World and sang the Mickey Mouse Club theme song while holding my hat out for tips?

Remember the time strangers gave me tips for singing at Disney World?

Remember the time Dave saw me in my unmentionables?

Remember the time I posted about a movie on my blog and everyone on the Internet got all bent out of shape because I said I didn’t enjoy the sex scene between two homosexuals? (This is my top viewed post, and I still get people visiting it from the message boards.)

Remember the time I drove my friend’s 4-wheeler into a tree in her back yard?

Remember the time I met my favorite Broadway star?

Remember the time I convinced my Spanish teacher to let us play Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit in class?

Remember the time I stayed up all night (literally) with the rest of my class, studying for a state administered Education exam only to (like the rest of my class) barely pass with a C? (I still tear up at that memory…)

Remember the time I accidentally asked my roommate if she wanted to go get a hamburger with me after she *just* said she was a vegetarian?

Remember the time I went to the state science fair in third grade?

And lastly, remember the time I was sleeping nice and cozy in my bed when my brother woke me up to inform me he was sick, and when I told him to go to the bathroom he turned and threw up all the way down the stairs? (And I do mean EVERY. SINGLE. STAIR.)

What are some of your random memories?

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In the Car

The brother: “That woman is ready to rock and roll!”

Me: “That isn’t funny, I think she has scoliosis.”

The brother: “You don’t know that. You’re not a doctor.”

Me: “No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night.”

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CRUISE VACATION: DAY FIVE

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

I think the best part of last night is what happened on the way to dinner. My mother and I were going to the upper parts of the deck to take pictures of this giant chess set they had set up (and yes, the Harry Potter references are constantly being made). So we get on the elevator (and may I just say that I don’t know what it is about elevators but people are SO friendly on them!) anyway, we ran into this little kid who looked like he had been severely sunburned. My mum said “Oh, looks like you got some sun” when he replied, “Oh, I was in the hot tub.” Then this conversation happened:

Mum: “Oh the hot tub!”

Boy: “Yeah. I had to get out. These tan girls were going to kill me.”

Mum: “Tan girls were going to kill you?”

Boy: “Yeah.”

*A father and his daughter then get on the elevator*

Mum: (noticing the fake tattoo across his back) “So you got a tattoo, huh?”

Boy: “Sure did.”

Mum: “You are pretty tough. How old are you, 35?”

Boy: “Ten.”

Little girl: “You are short for a ten year old.”

Boy: “Everyone always says that.”

Little girl: “I am ten and I am taller than you!”

Mum: “That’s okay, when my son was your age he was the shortest one. When he turned 16 he shot up to 6’ 1” and hasn’t stopped!”

Boy: “Then I am going to be taller than you when I am 16 years old!”

Little girl: “No, you’ll see. When I am 16 I’ll STILL be taller than you! You will come up to my forehead.”

At this point we had all gotten off of the elevator on the same floor where they boy and girl shouted back and forth all the way down the hall (one going to the left, one to the right). I think that conversation has been the highlight of my trip; that boy was so adorable!

Dinner was great last night! We celebrated my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary and surprised them with a cake and cards. Then our waiters sang to us, which was absolutely hysterical.  A few of our guys didn’t know they words so they had cheat sheets that they would reference. It was so cute! Then they grabbed people from the table and made them dance. At one point they had gotten my aunt up there and thought the man sitting next to her was her husband, so they asked him to come dance with her. Except that man was my father (her brother) and he politely said, “No way! That is my sister! There are laws against that sort of thing…” to which we all pointed out that they are from Alabama so technically they are exempt from those laws. HA!

After dinner we went to the show they were having. It was very interesting-mainly singing and dancing to songs from the 50’s and 60’s with a few random 90’s country songs. There was a LOT of skin from both the men and the woman and all I am saying is if you are going to be dancing with a big poofy skirt and you are going to be lifted in the air with your legs spread for the whole world to see your business, you may want to think twice before wearing a thong. (Just a word of caution.)

After the show we went to sleeps so we could wake up nice and early for our daily excursion in Cozumel, Mexico! My sister and I went horseback riding, which was quite the adventure. Our tour guide Clinton was hilarious and so much fun. The actual horse experience was very interesting. When we first got there they tried to put me on this GIANT horse. I mean absolutely humongous. I could already tell that there was NO WAY I was going to be able to get on the horse and be able to reach the stirrup things, because just standing on the ground next to it, the horse was taller than me. Well they put me up there anyways. I couldn’t even swing my leg over! After I got up there they decided that it was too tall for me and had me get back down. Then they reached over and got the one horse that everyone wanted! All the horses were brown except for mine, which was brown and white and named Café Con Leche.

Sadly, having the horse everyone wants comes at a small price. This horse was bound and determined to eat EVERY SINGLE plant known to man. I mean she was having some serious hunger issues! Even when we got back to the ranch and had her tied to the fence, she started chewing on the wooden fence!!! Can you believe that? Girlfriend needed a diet not more food.

Along the trail we encountered ancient, original, authentic temples and caves and wells belonging to the Mayans (I think? The tour guide said it a million times but alas, I cannot remember). There we went to the goddess of love’s cave, which also served as a sacrificial ground and a hiding spot from intruders. The most interesting thing about this was why they sacrificed the people. Supposedly they would play some sort of game. The WINNING team’s captain would then be DECAPITATED because it is supposedly a high honor not only to win, but also to be decapitated for doing so. Our tour guide then said that is why Mexico has yet to win the Olympics. HA.

After we came back to the ship there was a chance to shop around the pier. I got a few gifts for some friends and a really cool black and pink blanket for me! Then I went back to the room to get ready for dinner, which is where I must leave you for today!

Once again Lauren finds herself not knowing what is to come after dinner tonight. Another show? Some BINGO? Only you will know… when you come back tomorrow of course!

The chess set!

The chess set!

My favorite picture!

My favorite picture!

Our waiters posing for my picture

Our waiters posing for my picture

My aunt dancing with the waiter

My aunt dancing with the waiter

My father raising a hand in protest.

My father raising a hand in protest.

The waiter doing a magic trick!

The waiter doing a magic trick!

Kodak moment!

Kodak moment!

The horseback riding ranch!

The horseback riding ranch!

My sister's horse, Capitan!

My sister's horse, Capitan!

The cave of the goddess of love

The cave of the goddess of love

A beach we passed on the way back to the ship

A beach we passed on the way back to the ship

This view was so beautiful!

This view was so beautiful!

A view of Cozumel from the ship

A view of Cozumel from the ship

Read all about day one, day two, day three, and day four!

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CRUISE VACATION: DAY ONE

A long, long time ago (last week) Lauren of Improbable Fiction went on a cruise with her family. This is the (as promised) detailed list of her travels. This is day one.

We arrived at the airport fairly early but that is okay because I do love to people watch and there were definitely some interesting people in the Baltimore airport. Finally we got on the plane and had a fairly nice flight for the next two hours (according to one pilot; one hour and 50 minutes according to the other. Side note: do you ever listed to the pilots talk? They just sort of ramble until they forget what they were talking about and then just begin to repeat themselves. It is really interesting.) I say it was a fairly nice flight because it was a bit bumpy and once we sort of dropped down a little and it felt as though I was on a roller coaster. Other than that, the flight was fine. I sat next to my brother who hasn’t flown since he was five or six. Add to the mixture that he is terrified of heights, and you can imagine how scared he was (though he was DETERMINED not to show it). All in all he did great.

The man on the other side of me apparently thought that he owned his seat and half of mine as well. He took up the arm rest and a lot of my personal space, which I didn’t have much to begin with as the airplanes they make these days are significantly smaller than they used to be.

Finally we landed in Birmingham, Alabama and suddenly, as if by magic, my southern accent appeared out of nowhere. We were in Baltimore and I was normal and then the flight attendant announced we were in Alabama and *BAM* I am suddenly a Southern Belle. We then made our way to baggage claim where we got our luggage in RECORD time (five or six minutes!!) and met up with my uncle. Now I saw my aunt in May for my brother’s graduation, but I haven’t seen my uncle and cousins in almost six or seven years. My cousins are SO TALL! AND GROWN UP! The younger of the two is still extremely shy, but she has really come out of her shell. My other cousin is tall and extremely naturally thin. So naturally I hate her. JUST KIDDING Internet.

We got to the house after an interesting ride- there are five people in my family plus my uncle makes six. There are six seats in the van. They had to take out a seat so they could fit our luggage in the van. Now if you have been keeping up with the math, this means we are short a seat. So what happened? I had to sit on the floor of the van, wedged between my brother and suitcases. Fun, yes? No. And it wasn’t that I was upset because I had to sit on the floor, or next to my brother, or next to suitcases. I didn’t like sitting on the floor because I couldn’t see a SINGLE thing out of the window of the van and often my uncle would point to things outside and say “Here is our business, here is such and there is blah blah.” It was sad.

But then we made it to their house and I saw my cousins and by then it was time to fix dinner, which was a CARB FEST but an AMAZING CARB FEST. We sat around the table catching up, talking about interesting times we have spent with my grandparents in Montgomery, which led to this gem of a conversation:

Cousin #1: “We showed grandma Lelo and Stitch and she didn’t like it.”

Cousin #2: “Yeah, we showed her Wall- E and she didn’t like it. She couldn’t even pronounce his name right! She kept saying ‘Oh, what’s his name? Wally?’ And I would tell her, no it is WALL-E!”

Me: “When Willy Wonka was in the theaters we took her to see it- she didn’t care for it.”

Brother: “Yea, she got really dizzy during the squirrel song because of the striped floor that looked like it was spinning.”

Cousin #1: “What else did we show her that she really didn’t like?”

Cousin #2: “Our dance recitals…”

After we ate dinner we watched my cousins do a tiny part of their dance recital. Well, really it consisted of my one cousin going en pointe (yes, I am EXTREMELY jealous) and my other cousin CLOGGING. Yes, my cousin clogs. And she doesn’t just clog, she AMAZINGLY clogs! I couldn’t even believe it. Later we watched Nacho Libre; well, I only watched half or so before I passed out. I was extremely tired and I think it was due to the fact that I took a Dramamine before I got on the plane, but it didn’t really kick in until AFTER we were off of the plane, so good job there, Dramamine. But going to sleep was horrible because I didn’t bring my normal stuffed animal that I usually sleep with because 1) I had no room and 2) I didn’t want to lose it or forget it or whatever because 3) I am very paranoid about that. So after I got into the bed I could not fall asleep. Isn’t that strange? I just get so used to having my stuffed animal that I can’t get to sleep without it.

What happened that night? Was Lauren finally able to fall asleep? Did she survive the night? WHAT HAPPENED ON DAY TWO?!?! Stay tuned…

AIRPORT

My brother in the airport

A view from the floor of the van!

A view from the floor of the van!

My cousin on Pointe

My cousin en pointe

My cousin showing off her amazing clogging skills!

My cousin showing off her amazing clogging skills!

Our totally fun beds minus one amazing stuffed animal.

Our totally fun beds minus one amazing stuffed animal.

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If Only…

Mother: “So my question is, what do we do if your blood tests come back negative?”

Me: “We go to Dr. House”

Mother: “Why so you can make out with him?”

Me: “Well that is just one of the perks.”

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She Should Know By Now That Half the Things I Say Are Movie Quotes…

Mother: “Well Lolly, how did you sleep?”

Lauren: “On me back Mush.”

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