Tag Archives: Richard

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Okay I know I said I probably wasn’t going to be posting anytime soon, but whatever. I just said bye to Macie and Internet, I am crying and depressed. That’s all there is to it.

Macie when you read this (because I know you will), I meant what I said. I wouldn’t do a single thing differently… except for shouting more at Richard. There should always be more shouting at Richard. And keep your eyes out for that list. It’s on its way.







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Don’t you think we oughta know by now? Don’t you think we shoulda learned somehow?

Random things about my life right now:

I have a 2,100 word paper due next Tuesday. Haven’t started.

I have a 3,000 word paper due next Wednesday. 1,503 words down.

I have a 1,800 word paper due next Thursday. Haven’t started.

I apparantly have no concept of “depth of focus” in photography.

I am sick.

I am tired.

I’m doing a lot of complaining right now.

Richard is insane.

I’m losing my mind.

Playing MASH for three hours instead of paying attention in class is far more rewarding.

I hate when I get bad results in MASH which soooo happened tonight.

I want to go to a Broadway show.

Shakespeare is so my lover.

I want to play snaps.

Its always fun when your professor reads the wrong lists and tells you that your presentation (which is next week) is today. That really makes your heart stop.

I may just go throw up now.



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Three weeks and counting.

Internet, it is official. I have lost my mind.

I have three papers and two photography projects to be done in the next two weeks, but all I find myself doing is talking to my friend Macie about debbie downer, people with down syndrome, Richard, and how funny it is when she (Macie) comes to class still a tiny bit drunk from the night before.

Lets talk about the two funniest things that have happened lately. First, Richard went deaf in one ear. He claims he doesn’t know how it happened but assures us it was “nothing scandalous.” Basically it was the funniest thing ever. He was talking louder than usual the entire class, then he asked us to write a response to a question about a book we were supposed to read though no one did. I didn’t hear the question the first time as Macie and I were too busy mocking Richard, so I asked him to repeat it. And it was as if he heard a noise and knew someone, somewhere was asking him a question. He just couldn’t figure out the direction it was coming from. Then Macie cupped her hands and shouted VERY LOUDLY for him to repeat the question. The poor guy almost had a heart attack. He practically jumped all the way out of his chair! He repeated the question and I realized I didn’t have a clue as to what I was going to write down. Because I couldn’t be bothered to read the book. So I just looked at the back flap and made an educated guess as to the actual plot line. Then I made up a bunch of stuff and wrote it down.

Next we come to Buckingham’s class. Shakespeare. Today we had a guest lecture and the guy was going on about some famous historian or whatever, by that point I had sort of tuned him out, when he flipped the slide on his power point presentation to show the picture of this historian guy. All of the sudden the Buckster went, “Mmmmmm yes, there he is” in this weird half Scottish half British accent. I mean, the poor guy was practically having an orgasm right there in the class room. Well of course Macie and I happen to look at each other at the same moment with the same horrified expression and we bust out laughing. Other people are snickering, yes, but we are full on crying/snorting/unable to control ourselves. And then we couldn’t stop. Everything was extremely funny, but only to us.

So it was a fun day.

I also booked my ticket to Stratford-upon-Avon to see where my lover Shakespeare lived. I’m so excited I could give Richard a hug. And that’s saying something.


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A small glimpse into what Lauren actually does during class.

I was going through my notebook today trying to find a packet of poems for poetry class, and I stumbled upon some rather amusing (at least to me) notes I wrote all over the pages. Because classes here are so unbelievably boring, I often find myself doodling instead of taking actual notes. Here are some interesting excerpts. Where the thoughts came from, who knows. Enjoy.

From Travel writing (Professor: Richard):

This first particular note comes from the day the computer and internet connection would not work, so we couldn’t watch any clips meaning we would be forced into a class discussion.

Dear Computer,

Why wont you work? You make me sick. I don’t understand what I have ever done to you for you to make me suffer like this. I thought you could rely on technology. I thought you were my friend. I guess I thought wrong. Now I must listen to pretentious students suck up to the professor. Thanks for nothing.

Then just randomness:

Lauren is truly profound.

The weak die easily as a feather, and when they die, they die together.

From Poetry class (Professor: Buckingham):

These are just a bunch of random little thoughts and ideas.

– Woodrow Wilson is my homeboy.

– Bring back the ugly coat!! (this was in reference to a girl who wears the most hideous coat imaginable. She came into class the other day wearing a somewhat less ugly plain black coat. I was sad.)

Am I falling asleep? Yes, yes I am.


When did the Buckster become Scottish? (When he reads poetry, my professor’s British accent fades away and out comes this tremendous Scottish accent. Its brilliant.)

Dear Professor Buckingham, let your students go. Love, Moses. (my personal favorite)

Enjambment rocks my socks.

From Shakespeare class: (Professor: Buckingham):

Hold up! It’s Shakespeare!

Rawr! I’m a bear! FEAR ME! (oddly enough, there was no actual picture of a bear anywhere on the page.)

A Roman, by a Roman, Valiantly Vanquished.

Lets make the ghosts gaze.

I hope you die Antony. (A bit bleak that one.)

Save the battles for the dance floor

Strike while the iron is hot.

Then there was the occasional limerick. The first was written by me, and the second was a response by my friend Macie, who has travel writing as well as Shakespeare with me.

There once was a travel writing class

With a professor who is such an ass

He once was so cool

But now he’s a tool

And I’d like to push him in the grass.

(Her response) I go to the class and shudder.

He makes me want to be a cutter.

He is insane

Lacking cells and membrane.

And on top of that, he stutters. (which he totally does.)

And while all of those may or may not be amusing or interesting to you, I found one particular page quite astonishing. Let me set up the scene. We are in Shakespeare class watching a horrible version of Antony and Cleopatra. I mean horrible. So I started writing anything and everything that came to my head. Random thoughts, random lines from the movie, random notes on things my professor shouts out.

Oh my gosh. lets leave. Im over you Billy Shakespeare. I am hungry. A marvelous man could exist. Oh to be free of this class. Bless you. I want to go to Ireland. Shakespeare is one crazy man. Awake sir, Awake. NO one cares about Antony or Cleopatra. It is so hot in here. Oh my gosh. Oh em gee. apparantly they want us roast. I wonder if Elise likes her candy. I wonder if Heather got hers. I wonder if she will give them to Leta. Who doesn’t like pancakes but likes them now. Shakespeare you are slowly killing me with this bad BBC reinactment. Let shake hands! Lets dance. This woman playing dear old Cleopatra is not good. SHe is literally orange. As if she has that disease where she eats too much carrots and tomato juice. She really thinks that she is going to get some kind of award for portraying this role. She is probably sitting at home with her fifty cats. What the heck is up with this shemale that is on the screen? He is talking like a unich. Dead. Someone just died. Oh! They left out a scene. Naughty. Way to destroy what Shakespeare set his lifes work out to do. Stupid BBC. Why is Buckingham making such eye contact with me? Its a little freaky. I suppose it looks like I am taking notes. The girl next to me is popping her gum and its annoying. You know what else is annoying? THIS CLASS. I have to go do laundry and I am so starving.

I think my favorite bit is when I write “bless you” when someone sneezes. As if they can hear me. Or read it. My friend read this and told me I needed my head examined. After rereading it, I think she might be right…


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I love my roommate and her low tolerance for pain. Really low tolerance for pain.

Story time.

In travel writing today my professor handed back our papers that we wrote for our midterm. Except for mine. I got the privilege of staying after class and then receiving my paper, on which I expected to see a huge fat C. When the students had filtered out of the room my professor handed me my paper and brightly shining on it was a huge fat C. So why did I have to stay after? I’m sure I didn’t get the lowest grade. Then Richard started talking.

Richard: “Well, I must say you write beautifully, but I’m not sure if this was intentional or not, but you didn’t really answer the assigned question.”

Me: “Okay? How so?”

Richard: “Well you summarized the book.”

Me: Blank stare. Because of the five questions he asked I picked the one that pretty much required that you summarize the books.

Richard: Starts to flip through the pages of my paper and about ten of the thirteen pages have a huge line through it with the words “PLOT SUMMARY” written in a barely legible handwriting. As if I wouldn’t have gotten the message from the first page.

Me: I am not going to cry. I am not going to cry. I am not going to cry.

Richard: “You see? I mean, you did I nice job summarizing, but you really just gave me an encyclopedia version of what I just read.”

Me: “Well I can assure you that I did not intentionally not answer your question. I guess I misunderstood what you were asking.”

Richard: “Well you could use some secondary sources. Its just a summary of the books.”

Me: “Okay.” I am not going to cry I am not going to cry I am not going to cry.

Richard: “And if you want you can rewrite it and possibly bump your grade up.”

Me: “Awesome. Okay. Thanks.”

Richard: Still has the paper in his hands and is still going on about- you guessed it- the fact that I summarized the books. As if I don’t get the point.

Me: “Okay.”

Richard: Rambling.

Me: “Okay. Yea.”

Richard: Still Rambling.

Me: “Okay. Yea.”

Richard: Sensing that he has gone on far too long, gives me my paper.

Me: I (totally not- but kind of- meaning to) open the door with greater force than necessary and walk out.

So now I have to rewrite a 3,000 word paper. Which I mean, is nice that he gave me another chance and I am really grateful please don’t get me wrong, but… I HAVE TO REWRITE A 3,000 WORD PAPER. Basically all he liked from my first paper that is somewhat usable is the last paragraph. Comprised of around 126 words. But hey! At least I write beautifully. ha. ha. ha.

Tonight I tried working on the paper, but after an hour and forty-five minutes of sitting in front of the computer screen looking at a somewhat blank word document (I had my 126 word paragraph as my introduction) I realized I had no idea what I am supposed to be writing this paper on. So I decided to email ol Richard. Still anxiously awaiting that reply. And as it turns out, the other girl who chose this topic (there were five to choose from) got a C+ on her paper. She didn’t use any secondary sources either. Not because we are bad and intentionally don’t do what we are asked, but because we both took the very vague question and ran in a completely different direction than what he wanted. And he expected us to be mind readers. Silly Richard.

In other news, I bought an amazingly cute coat today. Shopping is awesome.


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“You are not fit for human habitation”~ Professor Richard

This previous Monday I went into my travel writing class thinking it was going to be another ordinary day where the same three people kiss up to my professor and talk about things that don’t particularly relate to the topic at hand. Little did I know my professor Richard (which is meant to be read with the slightest hint of disgust) had different ideas. I got into class and he started by saying, “In keeping with my reputation of being ruthless, I have decided to give you your midterm today.” Now this midterm was supposed to be on Wednesday, and he hadn’t informed us about anything that would be on it. On top of that we had a 3,000 word essay due that Wednesday as well. He passed out the midterm all the while saying there was no reason we couldn’t have it on Monday instead of Wednesday. Now no one was particularly happy about this, so he assured us that it won’t be graded too harshly, seeing as it was to be counted as 25% of our grade in the class. He added, “its more of a ‘to see if you have been paying attention’ kind of thing” and “there was no way you could prepare for it.”

Now there are these two girls and they have a sort of nonchalant attitude about the class in general. They never do the assigned reading, never participate in class discussions unless forced, always come in late, eat food, and basically don’t give a flying flip about anything to do with travel writing. Well on this particular day of class they came in about twenty minutes late. They look around and see all of us writing and got confused. One of them, Shentelle, sits in the empty seat next to me and says, “what the f– are we doing?” I proceeded to tell her *surprise!* the midterm was today!! Needless to say she didn’t like this. Richard came over and handed her the assignment and added, “there’s been a slight change of plans ladies, the midterm is today instead of Wednesday.” They begin to look over we have to do (read a passage, write a response then a section of ridiculous short answer questions). Then the other one (yea, I don’t know her name) said, “Um excuse me. I thought this was supposed to be on Wednesday. How can we have it today? Did you tell us what to study?” To which Richard replied, “This wasn’t really the type of thing you could study for.” Well that gave Shentelle enough room to openly voice her opinions. She said, rather loudly, “This is so f– up. This is just sh–.” And other various comments like that.  Richard was a little taken aback, and not knowing what to do exactly, attempted to calm her down saying “This isn’t going to count for a large percent of your grade. It’s really supposed to be pressure free.” Of course she is not buying this, so she looks at him and says “THIS IS WHY I DRINK, BECAUSE OF SITUATIONS LIKE THIS. THIS IS WHY I DRINK.” By this point no one is actually doing their work, they are all watching this hilarious scene unfold.

Cut to today’s class. We have all had a day to calm down, though no one is really interested in Richard or this class (well, except for the three that continuously suck up to him)  and no one is really talking about the topic in hand… something about travel experiences we care to forget or something when suddenly, about twenty minutes into class, the door flies open and in walks Shentelle and the other girl. Shentelle looks at Richard with such disgust, such disdain, that he just stares back at her. Her expression the whole class was basically set to “don’t even think about screwing around with me, cause I’m not having it.” So she walks in and sits at an open desk. The other girl looked at him rather menacingly too and walked to the back where there was an open seat but no desk. Then this conversation happened:

Richard: Oh there’s a desk up here

Girl: No I’ll stand in the back. I’m fine.

Richard: No, no there is a desk up here.

Girl: That doesn’t have a chair. There is a chair back here. I’m fine.

By this point Richard is laughing because he knows she does not want to sit anywhere remotely close to him, and he thinks the whole situation is rather funny. Because it really was.

Richard: Please let me bring the desk back there to you.

Girl: No, really. I AM FINE.

Richard: Please. It’s the least I can do.

And everyone else is sitting there, watching our professor pick up an entire desk and bring it to the back of the room so this girl can have a proper seat. Then he goes back to the front and continues class like nothing just happened.


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