I see dead people. Not really, but I do hear voices.

So last year I was all NEW YEARS RESOLUTION! FIFTY BOOKS READ IN ONE YEAR! YAY ME!

And then I was all….fifty books in one year? What did I get myself into? Boo me.

But today, I was sitting in my geography class, minding my own business, not understanding a single word my professor was uttering about silly wind patterns and cold fronts and warm fronts and all this complicated SCIENCE STUFF, when a familiar voice spoke to me.

“Lauren!” The voice said.

“What?” I said, clearly annoyed to be disrupted during my daydreaming.

“Remember that time you wanted to read fifty books in a year?”

“Yes.”

“And then you did it?!?”

“Mhhhm.”

“Didn’t you feel amaaazing?”

“Well it was quite the accomplishment.”

“Wouldn’t you like to feeeeel that way again?”

“Mmmm-” But I was cut off by a different voice.

“SHhhhhh! I need to learn about these wind patterns! They will be on the assignment due Tuesday!”

“But she has already tried to listen. She has a textbook that will tell her what she needs to know.”

Suddenly, I’ve turned into Gollum.

“Well, maybe I should listen…”

“YES!”

“NO!”

I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly a FOURTH character came into this little play. He goes by the name of I-should-have-gone-to-bed-earlier-because-now-I’m-really-really-sleepy-and-can’t-stay-awake.

I did not like him.

I.S.H.G.T.B.E.B.N.I.R.R.S.A.C.S.A. tried to lull me into sleep, but I would not allow it.Following the voice of character number one, I decided to make a list of all the books I’ve read so far this year. Then I was all “books read for class totally count.”

Totally count for what?

Oh no.

Oh yes. RIGHT THEN, riiiiiiiiight then I decided I was going to do this crazy 50 books in a year thing. NO TWILIGHT (no matter how desperate I get) and school books count. Those are the only two rules going into this. Books can be new, repeated, whatever. So if I had started this in January (like a sane person) I should be finishing my 24th book.

Here is a list of what I’ve read:

1. Harry Potter and the Sourcer’s Stone* by J.K. Rowling

2. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

3. Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban

4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix

6. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

7. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows**

8. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

9. Everything is Illuminated by Johnathan Safran Foer

10. Fight Club*** by Chuck Palahniuk

11. Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

12. Funny Boy by Shyam Selvadurai

13. Nervous Conditions by Tsitsi Dangarembga

14. The Autobiography of My Mother**** by Jamaica Kincaid

15. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

16. Translations by Brian Friel

17. Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green

18. The Freedom Writers Diary by The Freedom Writers

19. Nightlight***** by The Harvard Lampoon

20. It Cried and then It Sucked: How I had a baby, a breakdown, and a much needed margarita by Heather Armstrong

So I’m really close to being caught up. I know next week I will be starting The Watchman for class, so then I’ll be only five books behind (five, because we are entering the first month of July. The goal is to theoretically read a book a week.)! I’m really happy. I know I’m getting quite a few books for my birthday, so I plan on reading the entire works of Jane Austin by the summer’s end.

Now,  if you will excuse me, I’ve got plenty of books to read and voices in my head to which I must listen. Good morrow!

——————-

*All Harry Potter books are by J.K. Rowling. I didn’t want to type it seven times.

**I started this book about 30 minutes ago, but I put it on the list because who wants to see only six Harry Potter books listed? Gross.

***I’m halfway through this book, so I listed it.

****This is a terrible book, avoid it at all costs.

*****This is a WONDERFUL book, read it NOW.

Going to the Chapel…

Last weekend I, along with my mum, made the journey to North Carolina to see one of my best friends get married. Now, this best friend is a best friend from high school, the kind of best friend that still keeps in contact with more than two people from our graduating class (yes, I pretty much only care about three people I graduated with, one of whom is the one getting married). If you do the math, this means I had to see hell people I graduated with. I did not like this idea. But she really is one of my best friends so I said, “okay, sure, I’ll be in your wedding.” (Actually I think I said something like YES OF COURSE!!!!!! but that is not the point).

I should have known this was going to be a semi-awful weekend, because the six hour journey took almost eight and a half. By that point, I was singing highly off key (on purpose) because there was no where my mother could go. Because I’m a lovely daughter like that. Then I got the BRILLIANT idea to go to a coffee shop I used to work at. Only problem- they close at 9, we were still on I-95, and it was about 8:35. Let’s just say it is a miracle that my mother did not get a ticket. We got there with about ten or so minutes to spare. Because she is a lovely mother like that.

I got my coffee, then drove over to my friend’s house where I would be staying. Actually, we went to my mum’s hotel first, to check her in. After that we drove to the CORRECT hotel, and checked her in for realz. THEN we went to my friends house. We talked for ever and I finally got in bed around 1 or something and I was exhausted. Sitting in a car for what seems like eternity will do that to you.

The next morning we went to the bridesmaids luncheon. It was….fun. We stood around on a porch drinking lemonade (soooooo southern) and then got lunch at this place (I forget the name). I met the other bridesmaids there (one of which was a classmate of mine) and let’s just say the reception was not very warm. I tried to engage people in conversation but when you are considered a northern invader things don’t go so well.

My place setting at the luncheon.

The best thing about lunch was the “entertainment” where Morgan’s (the bride) aunt spoke about memories she had of babysitting Morgs. The she sang. I think she made up the song, but her voice was….. okay let’s just say it, rip the band-aid off. It was terrible. But bless her heart she was trying and it took everything within us not to laugh. I think I held it together pretty well.

That night was the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. It started at 5 something and it was dreadfully hot- just dreadful. And that was an hour after the wedding would be, meaning it would be even HOTTER for the wedding. YAY! The rehearsal went about as well as rehearsals go… nobody really cared for the woman running the show (Joan, I think was her name? Some friend of the bride’s mother) and eventually we all went to eat.

The rehearsal dinner was lovely; I got a delicious piece of tuna. Yummmmy. The groom’s cake was also quite adorable:

The next day was the WEDDING and we had to pretty much sweat and sweat and sweat because we had to be there early. I had my hair in hot rollers, and wore them to the wedding location, and got many odd stares and laughs along the way. It was quite hilarious. Then came the wedding, where we had to practically journey to Middle Earth to get to the “alter.”

First we had to hind behind bushes.

Then we had to walk around/behind the guests.

Then we had to walk down the isle.

Then we had to cross over gravel.

Then we had to climb porch steps.

Then we had to climb more porch steps.

Then we had to turn to face the audience.

Then once everyone had done that, the bride came. And she looked quite beautiful:

After she made it, we had to turn and face her. A little ways into the ceremony, I felt something wet start dripping on my arm. How horrified I was when I found out IT WAS MY OWN FREAKING SWEAT! EW! DOUBLE EW! Then…..I could feel it rolling down my back. *gag* It was DISGUSTING, Internet. Simply DISGUSTING.

Informing my mother that it was really, really, really hot. (But she already knew.)

After the ceremony we took more pictures and then went to the reception where the bridal party was introduced. The guy couldn’t read my last name and it was embarrassing and I really didn’t want to be there but I suffered through it and before long they were cutting the cake. Then it was time to toss the garter/bouquet.

Oh. My. Gosh. Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover it. First, the groom was forced to be handcuffed and blindfolded and had to get the garter off with his teeth. I mean, whatever, gross, I don’t need to see some man sticking his face up my best friend’s dress. Then the guy who caught the garter had to put it on the girl who caught the bouquet. I did not know this. I am very, very, very, very, VERY, VERY, VERY glad I did not get the bouquet. Why you ask? Because the guy who got the garter put it on the girl who got the bouquet’s leg, and then pulled something out of his sleeve. And what was that, you may be asking? A THONG.

…..

Awkward to the EXTREME. Then it was time to leave.

Overall, it was an okay weekend. I got to see two of my three really good friends. I had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing other people from my high school, some of which didn’t acknowledge my existence, and tried not to even when I talked to them. And that is okay. I wish them all the luck in their lives.

I’m glad my friend is happy, I’m glad I got to see her, but I’m really glad to be home.

Ring the Bell, Ring the Bell, for Solomon Snell…

Richard Cory

by Edwin Arlington Robinson

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean-favoured and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
“Good Morning!” and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich, yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine — we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked and waited for the light,
And went without the meat and cursed the bread,
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet in his head.

Sweet Southern Comfort…Food.

Hello all! I’ve missed you these past few weeks, Internet! I moved out of my dorm, then moved from my one house to another house in a new town, which meant no internets. Then I moved from that house to my lovely new apartment, which meant, again, no internets until I got the comcast to come to my place of living. They came over this morning, and here we are.

I do plan on blogging about the move, because there are some funny stories to tell. But it is currently 12:23, and I am feeling like death (or what I suppose death feels like) and I’m making myself a dessert for tomorrow. I thought I would post this here, because I misssssed you.

I know this recipe is not ground-breaking, nor is it a family secret. For goodness sake, it is on the back of one of the ingredients needed! But it is what I remember my grandmother fixing me when I visited her in Florida, and that is where I would rather be. But! I can’t go, and I am completely fine with that, so I thought I would bring a bit of my grandmother here. Okay, enough jibber-jabber. Let’s get to cooking.

This is Banana Pudding.

You will need:

*These measurements below are for a single serving (me), feel free to add or subtract.*

1-2 boxes INSTANT Vanilla Pudding

1 box Vanilla Wafers

2 Bananas

Step One:

Gather your ingredients. Also, don’t make the same mistake I made. You are likely to get much faster results if you buy the INSTANT pudding, rather than the cook and serve like I did.

Step Two:

Make the pudding. You want to end up with the consistency of…pudding. (Did I seriously just write that?) Scoop it in your spoon, hold the spoon upside down over the bowl, and it should just, sort of, fall in lumps. Do you know what I mean? I can’t really describe it. For the cook and serve you will need to put the pudding in the fridge for a while after you boil it. It will need to stay there most likely overnight (or for a good while if you are making this during the day), but I am impatient so I’m not going to bed until it is done. Don’t forget to stir it occasionally. Trust me it will take a while for it to cool.

Step Three:

Layer the vanilla wafers.

*If you bought the cook and serve, and are currently chilling it in the fridge, I would complete this step and go ahead and set aside some crushed wafers, seen in step seven*

Step Four:

Slice and layer the banana. This is quite the simple step.Once you’ve cut up however much banana you desire, layer it over the wafers.

Step Five:

Layer the pudding over the bananas and wafers.

Step Six:

Repeat steps three, four, and five as many times as needed.

Step Seven:

Crush up vanilla wafers to go on top. (You should end with pudding as the top and final layer.)

Step Eight:

If you so desire, put cool whip (blech) on top before you sprinkle the crushed wafers. If you so desire perfection, skip the whip and sprinkle away.

Step Nine:

Place in fridge for an extended amount of time. This is to ensure the pudding is quite cold and delicious.

Step Ten:

Wait no longer than absolutely necessary and dig right in. YUMMMMMMMMY.

I hope you enjoy this post. I had fun making it.

Until we meet again Internet.