Gumption. I needz it.

Tonight a girl told me that she wanted to travel to England with me, because she thinks I belong there, and I kid you not, I almost started crying because I realized how true it was. I want to live abroad so, so badly. I know that I’ve lived abroad more than I should have, yes, I’m very blessed, we’ve been over this many times before. But…I have never felt more sure of myself than when I was in England. I didn’t mind walking by myself down the beautiful streets (although I’m not one for going places alone) and just taking it all in– the history, the people, the accents, every single part of it. The second hand book stores, heck even the grocery stores. I love it all and I miss it so much the very deepest part of my soul aches to go back.

On a completely different note, school is kicking my butt. Yesterday I started crying at 3:00pm (in front of my douche professor) and didn’t stop until about midnight. And I’m still verging on tears throughout today. Everything went wrong yesterday, my photography professor is an arse-hole (sorry mom, but he is) and I don’t know how I can please him. A select few people in my major keep telling me that I put too much pressure on myself, that I am an over-achiever, that I care too much about getting good grades.

What? I’m sorry, it’s a sin to care about my grades? Yes, I put too much pressure on myself, but it isn’t because I’m prideful and want to be the best in the class at everything. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. I want to show that just because I’ve been in college for 5 years (because of transferring and traveling and whatnot) that I can get the absolute best learning experience possible. That is why I don’t go out an party. Instead, I go home and do homework for 10-12 hours, NO that is NOT an exaggeration. All I do is homework, and yes, I’ve probably lost out on getting the one guy I’m interested in because I don’t go out, but whatever. Unrequited love is a bitch (sorry mom, but it is) and it happens every. single. time. EVERY TIME. That or he falls for my best friend. I have set so many of my friends up.

Anyway, don’t know where that tangent came from, but what I’m saying is that I’m a complete wreck right now but I am still alive. Barely. But alive, nonetheless.


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