There is nothing quite like taking out the garbage. Not the actual act, mind you, but taking out the garbage in the larger sense– that is, getting rid of the bag of trash that smells like the place bunnies go to die. Yeah, pretty gross. And you would be surprised at how fast one bag of garbage can stink up a tiny dorm room like mine. Really, really fast. And then I take the garbage out, and spray some stuff, and the room smells quite delightful. Like a garden of hopes and dreams.
I’m currently in the awkward process of packing up my dorm and studying for my one and only final/writing a lot of papers/not really working on my portfolio. And it reminds me of that scene in You’ve Got Mail, you know the one. Where Meg packs up The Shop Around the Corner and when she turns off the lights for the last time she sees the image of her younger self and her mother twirling, and then it cuts to that sign that says they have loved being a part of everyone’s lives…
Excuse me, there seems to be something in my eye.
But yea, it feels like that. I had a couple of friends over last night for GLEE! and they were quite sad to see my room all empty. Granted, I only took down a small portion of the stuff off my walls, but when every single possible space is covered by random bits of nothing, it really looks very empty seeing so much…white. White walls everywhere make for a very sad few last weeks.
Not that I am sad to be leaving the dorm. By all means, get me the heck out of here. No, no. I’m leaving a part of myself behind. I’m growing up. I’m a big girl now. I’m getting a real apartment with a real roommate and I will have things I have to do, classes to take and student teaching to worry about and what if the kids don’t like me? And what if I fail the Praxis? And what if, what if, what if?
So I focus on the little things. I pack up a few things at a time, I do a little work for classes, hang out with friends… and take out the garbage. And suddenly I don’t feel so bad.