I had a dream I stood beneath an orange sky…

Perception is a funny thing, specifically how we perceive people. There are these girls on campus who, even on the hottest of hot days or the coldest of cold days, look perfect. Not a single hair is out of place, their clothes are perfectly ironed, makeup flawless, like they put no effort into it at all. And I am sitting there, sweating or freezing, feeling like my hair looks a hot mess, my makeup terrible and I just feel all gross.

And I am quite envious of these girls who look so put together. I want to be that. Not necessarily those girls, but just put together. I want to feel pretty and clean all the time, and not think “omg my thighs are as big as that tree trunk and no one is ever going to notice me blah blah blah.” Because, I kid you not, I am usually thinking thoughts like that every single second I am walking to class.

But an interesting thing happened tonight. I was walking back to my room from the bathroom. I had just gotten a shower, my hair was a total mess, no makeup, I even had on my “I don’t care pajamas”– really big sloppy shirt and baggy pants. As I was going to be in my dorm for the rest of the evening I didn’t have anyone to impress. As I was walking back to my room I ran into a friend who looked at me, stepped back, and said “WOAH! You don’t look well at all! You usually look so put together, I’m always jealous of how well together you look!”

And I completely chose to ignore the negative connotation of that comment, because she said something I never realized before. I look put together to other people. Huh. Here I am, obsessing because I don’t like how I look in the majority of the clothes I own (save a few outfits) and I always think my hair is hideous and blah blah blah and it turns out I look put together.

I find this whole situation funny because lately I’ve been watching a whole lot of What Not To Wear. Granted, I usually only watch this for the clothes/Clinton’s beautiful face, but I’ve been noticing lately how negatively these women view themselves. And I totally do the same thing!

Maybe I am more put together and in control of it than I think. Who knows, maybe those perfect girls are obsessing a little in their own heads. Probably not. But it is a nice thought…

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “I had a dream I stood beneath an orange sky…

  1. Lauren

    I DEFINITELY know what you’re talking about in this post. I’m definitely stalking your internet things right now. I couldn’t think of a question to ask you on formspring because I like talking in person better. And finally…I definitely cannot wait to see your shining face tomorrow!

    Not like, sweaty shining or greasy shining but you know, like…sun shining, happy. Yes.

  2. improbablefiction

    Lauren W I love you. And I can’t wait to see your death-by-allergies face in class tomorrow. Bring your inhaler. I want you alive.

  3. Genevieve

    I think for someone who has SO MUCH on her plate it always amazes me that you look great. I like the fact that even at home when you totally veg out, if the doorbell rings you are like … I cant get it I don’t have any makeup on. I love the fact that you care enough to always look your best. Even if we don’t like how we look physically if we care enough to make ourselves look good it shows. Other people notice. You may not be happy with your hair or weight but you care. I think that is the most important thing. You my dear daughter are beautiful… inside and out!!!

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