Paging Dr. McDreamy

Dear Internet, things are about to get personal.

Once upon a time I mentioned (at least I think I did) that I do not like the dentist. I think that goes back to the time where four dentists had to hold me down (okay it was more like one dentist had to hold me down as a child, and when I say “hold me down” I mean hold my face still long enough for him to inflict ENORMOUS amounts of PAIN upon me) and put this contraption known in the dentist world as a “raincoat” in my mouth. Then he did all of this work on my teeth, poking and cutting and God knows what else. All I know is that I left the dentist office thinking he was the spawn of Satan.

Now, you may be asking, why was he the SPAWN of Satan? Why not Satan himself? Well that position had already been filled by the wretched nurse who took my precious blood at the doctor’s office. This woman was very mean. If this were a fairytale, she would be the wicked stepmother or the mean old ugly witch. But since this is REAL LIFE we shall just call her Nurse Bitch. I should tell you that I was only a dear child at the time of this encounter with Nurse B, but it was so horrible that I have never forgotten it. She was rude to my mother, rude to me, and apparently had NO training at all. She spent hours looking for a vein in my arm and when she finally found one she JABBED the needle in there like I was some sort of super human child who felt no pain. [Side note: I have always thought they should hire drug users to find the vein in your arm. I mean, those people are PROS at it.] I cried (on the inside), she was even meaner, mother was FURIOUS and we left in terrible spirits with mother vowing she would never go back there again. The good part of this story is I was then taken to the mall and I got to pick a little toy out of the store for being good. And then, it happened. I remember it like it was yesterday. We got a phone call from Nurse B. Apparently she DROPPED my vile of blood on the floor in the lab and needed me to come back in for another sample. My mother pleasantly (I’m sure) replied that they could shove it up their you-know-whats; her child would not be coming back for another sample EVER.

So what do these fascinating stories have to do with anything? It seems as though my body knows that I dislike the doctor and loath the dentist, and so my dear body has decided to make it a personal mission to make me go back to the doctor and the dentist at least five (million) times a year. I finally found a dentist I liked in Florida, but now that I have moved I have to go through the process again. However, I had to go to the doctor today and luckily found the nicest woman in the world who actually LISTENED to me! Who knew doctors did that anymore?

See, that is another reason I dislike the doctor. I go and say I am having severe abdominal pains, back pains, headaches, and so on, and he does a three minute check, prescribes me pills for a UTI and sends me on my way. This doctor today actually WROTE DOWN everything I said, asked me in-depth questions no doctor before has asked me, gave me reading material about problems I may have, and ordered blood work. From a lab. This completely shocked me. A doctor wanted me to get better! I still can not believe it.

Turns out I diagnosed myself a while ago (thanks to the wonders of WebMD) and the blood work should hopefully confirm these theories. I could supposedly have one or two things: Endometriosis or Polysystic Ovary Syndrome, as well as an enlarged thyroid. None of these sound like fun things to have, but according to the doctor there are treatments which is really AWESOME as both of these could eventually cause infertility, and the thought of infertility is one of the most depressing things ever.

I really encourage all the woman who may be reading to check out WebMD if you are experiencing any pains or problems and you are unsure of what they are. It is really good to regularly have OBGYN visits to catch anything at an early stage becuase with the advancement of modern medicine, treatments are growing.

Now if you will excuse me, I must go fast so I can go back tomorrow and get jabbed by needles and have my precious blood taken away from me. Let’s just hope Nurse Bitch doesn’t show up.

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