Monthly Archives: May 2009

SWF seeking ND, D/D free, SWM for LTR.

From time to time I read the personal ads on online newspapers, not because I am searching for the love of my life, but because they are quite humorous. The things people feel is important enough to say in such a limited amount of space… and those names! Here are some of my favorites from today’s selection:

FIT AND FUN says, “You are cordially invited to enjoy the company of a femme de certain age with a Southern flair, who celebrates the audacity of Sargent’s “Madame X”. Come explore the three Ts; travel, tennis, tango and bring along your joie de vivre.” [Notice there is no age requirement. You go Fit and Fun! My guess is she is a cougar. She does, however, get bonus points for the French phrases.]

A DISTINCTIVE J. WIDOWER is “Classy, tall, handsome, cultured, romantic, kind, trim, virile, with humor, panache, integrity, in the 70’s youngiche.” He is  “Seeking slender, kind, flexible, feminine, affectionate, financially secure – upscale J. special woman 48-68 young for an enduring, loving Cohabitation and Sharing relationship.” [Notice how he slipped the word “flexible” so casually in there. And then asked for a 68 year old.]

MULTIMILLIONAIRE HUSBAND says, “I am a former German model seeking gentleman for taking care of me and I take care of you. Be serious as I am.” [Because she TOTALLY wants a loving relationship, not your money. No, seriously.]

The winner of today’s cutest personal ad goes to:

PRINCESS OF 2ND AVENUE who is “Held captive by rent stabilization waiting for 63+ knight on white horse to rescue her. Together we can float away to Broadway shows, cultural events, long walks and all of the 5 star coffee shops the city has to offer.” [This is by far the cutest ad I have come across.]

And the winner of today’s personal ad jackass goes to:

POLITICALLY INCORRECT WASP. Politically Incorrect Wasp is seeking an “irreverent, free spirited, good looking (once near beautiful), lady who would enjoy a complete relationship with me that would include my taking her to Europe, scenic Swat Valley etc. in any season, NY Philharmonic, theatre and appreciates/comfortable w/ fine Bordeaux, Cole Porter, Country Club atmosphere, N.E. college reunions & spending time in Westchester. She is 54-64, very slender (would have earlier had a Kim Basinger figure, now with a couple of new inches, but no bulging cellulitis) w/ pleasing voice/accent. Must exchange photos. I’m outspoken, informal/casual, slim, very in-shape, older (hit 70), attractive (once handsome), enjoy tennis/paddle and history related travel.” [Not only does this guy win because his name is completely AWESOME, but just reading this little paragraph about him tells me he is a complete ass. Let us examine the evidence: not only does she need to be good looking, but at some point in her life she should have been beautiful. He draws the ladies in with the “me taking her to Europe” which allows the gals to put the blinders on, so they won’t notice his description of what she MUST look like, because he did say “she is.” So even though he cares what the woman looks like now (and by that I mean no “bulging cellulitis”), at some point she should not only have been beautiful, but she should also have the body of Kim Basinger. So to sum up: this is an example of a guy who will always find faults in any girl he attempts to date.  Congrats PIW! You win the jackass award of the month.]

So those are just some of the fun ones I found. As I look back at all the ads from today, I noticed they all (with the exception of three or four out of forty seven) have one thing in common. Everyone seems to be looking for a older guy/gal. And by older I mean 50’s-70’s. Does anyone else find that odd? No? Just me? Can you say gold digger? Can you say cougar?

And just an update: Hamlet is doing fine. He is swimming around his little tank and loving life as much as a fish can. I have three finals next week, then two more the following week. I am ready to be done with this semester! Now if you will excuse me, I have to go to my LAST linguistics class EVER!!!!!!!

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Bullshish Recommends [A Working Title]

So if you have ever read more than one post on this blog, I am sure you have heard of this person I like to call Cal. He blogs about movies and if you so care to, check out his blog here. Now, both Cal and I love the movies. Sometimes I will recommend a movie to him that he has never seen, and he recommends one to me (that I have never seen, obviously). And then we watch them on our own time and Cal ends up blogging about the movies he has had to watch. And me? I usually tell him over an AIM conversation what I thought about the movie and leave it at that.

Well there is a new factor in this movie trade-off thing. I like to call this new factor Doug. Doug read Cal’s blog and wanted to find out what I thought of my latest movie when, ALAS! He came to my blog and found a post about Hannah Montana. Now I happen to think Hannah Montana is AWESOME. Apparently Doug does not. And he was disappointed that I left no reviews to my movies.

Well Internet, I hate to disappointment any of my beloved readers, so now you will get to enjoy a monthly (or, at least, sort of monthly) review of the movies I have been forced to watch. Do not expect them to be expert reviews. Nor will they be long, detailed reviews of the directing and cinematography, etc. Instead I will offer you a more real review, such as why I like it, why I don’t like it, what went through my mind while watching it- that sort of thing. So enough RAMBLING Lauren! Let’s get to the MOVIES!

1. The Boondock Saints

Irish men. Sigh.

Cal gave me this movie because I forced him to watch 13 Going On 30. Supposedly when given a “girly” movie Cal dishes out a movie full of insane amounts of blood and guts and gore and things of the like. Turns out he really liked his movie (read his review here) and I liked this one. Of course, he should know better than to “retaliate” with bloods and guts and stuff, because those movies really don’t bother me. At least, for the most part. There were a couple moments in this one where I couldn’t watch a particular killing scene, but those were very rare. And now for the girly part of the review (expect it in a lot of my reviews), the two leading men were Irish. I have a weakness for Irish accents so that was quite nice. Overall I really enjoyed this movie. Except Willem Dafoe got creepier by the minute. Really, he freaked me out. But I would watch this again.

Movie considered: A Success!

2. Boiler Room

Not a movie about boilers trapped in a room.

I had Cal watch Charlie Bartlett (which he didn’t particularly care for… a horrible thing, I KNOW) and he gave me this movie, which I loved. I like Vin Diesel well enough and he did a great job. I also love Giovanni Ribisi (mainly because of his character on FRIENDS) and he did a fantastic job. Story wise I really liked the movie. It never really seemed slow at any certain point, and all of the actors did a convincing job. Sure, they were all pricks, but they were convincing pricks. I really don’t know what else to say about this movie (I told you these weren’t going to be amazing reviews). I liked it, and so should you.

Movie considered: A Success!

3. Rounders

MMMMM MAT DAMON

Oh Cal. Bless your little heart- you gave me a movie with MATT DAMON in it. And I didn’t even ask for it! It must be Christmas. Don’t worry Internet. I gave him a TOTALLY AMAZING MOVIE by the name of Walk The Line. And since he is a smart person, he liked it. I, on the other hand, didn’t find this movie as thrilling as I thought I would. Putting aside my pure love for the Matt Damon, and even the Edward Norton, I thought this movie moved incredibly slow. Then again, Cal was pressuring me into watching it RIGHT THEN. Because I did wait a long time to watch it. But that is besides the point. I should probably watch it again sometime to see if it still seems to be a four hour movie, but the thought of watching a movie that long (unless the name starts with The and ends with Lord of the Rings) seems like a punishment. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the overall plot of the movie and I must admit that the last 20 or so minutes really picked things up and I got excited and nervous and so emotional. Okay, not *that* emotional, but still. The last 20 minutes are worth the wait.

Movie considered: Not That Successful!

4. Office Space

office_space

I assigned Cal The Breakfast Club and he assigned me Office Space. After watching the movie I was surprised with how much I have actually seen from random viewings on TV. Because this movie seems to be on TV a lot. Anywho, I really liked it.  The main character- Peter is a great example of sticking it to the man. And the boss was absolutely horrible. And that Milton character did a fantastic job at making me want to scratch out my eyes every time he attempted to utter a sentence.

Movie considered: A Success!

5. Once

Sing us a song

For some unknown, tragic reason, Cal had never seen The Shawshank Redemption, which I consider an absolute CRIME. (See what I did there… crime… prison movie… never mind). Shawshank is seriously such an AMAZING movie I want to talk about it instead of my movie. But that is not how things work on this post. Not to say I disliked Once; I thought it was a very beautiful movie. I liked the music and their voices together were incredible. They really deserved the Oscar win. It was, however, different from what I thought it was going to be. Meaning, I didn’t know anything about the plot before watching it, and I thought they travel the whole movie, etc. Alas, I was wrong, though the actual plot was just as good as I imagined it. Overall I felt like it had some sort of underlying, melancholy theme. Not because of the ending necessarily, but for some reason it left me feeling a little sad, and I can’t really do a good job of explaining why. But I think everyone should see this movie. The story telling is beautiful and you just can’t help but love it.

Movie considered: A Success!

6. E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial

Phone Home

I had absolutely no interest in this movie. Cal had absolutely no interest in Breakfast At Tiffany’s, so it seemed like a fair trade. Overall I liked this movie. I mean, when I say I had no interest in it, I REALLY did NOT want to watch it. In fact, I complained to my roommate for almost the first ten minutes of the movie. But somehow I managed to get through it, a large part due to the fact that Elliott was played by the most adorable kid IN THE WORLD. I also couldn’t help but stare at Michael’s teeth. I’m sorry if that makes me a horrible person, but I just happen to notice teeth. Anywho, the whole scene where ET was drunk was probably my favorite scene. It actually made me laugh out loud. In the end I came to really like the movie; I’ll admit it was better than I thought it was going to be. All in all I would probably watch it again.

Movie considered: A Moderate Success!

So there you go. My quick, not so great reviews of the first five movies of the trade-off. I’ll probably update every five, so have fun waiting! And if you don’t like my reviews, I am sorry. But I am afraid this is the best I can do.

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“Is so0o hot cuz it’s 90 degrees outside and my dad just blew up my car :-(“

The title of this post is just another outrageous facebook status. Sometimes the things people write are utterly hilarious.

Yesterday my mother and I went to see 17 Again, and I must say it was a whole heck of a lot better than I thought it was going to be. I mean, the previews looked really good and it *did* have ZAC EFRON (shirtless, might I add) in it, so how bad could it be, right? I know, first Hannah Montana and then this? Not saying a lot for my choice of movies, unless you are a teenage girl, but honestly it was really good. And for once I really liked everyone in the cast. I was surprised to see Melora Hardin (Jan from The Office) in this movie, as well as her role in Hannah! She was great. I was also pleasantly surprised that Jim Gaffigan had a cameo role as the basketball coach. It was nice seeing Michelle Trachtenberg again, as I haven’t seen her in anything in a while (no, I don’t watch Gossip Girl though I am contemplating starting). I don’t remember seeing her since Harriet the Spy or that Ice Princess movie on ABC. Like always, she did a really good job.

Zac Efron did a really good job proving he can actually act as well as sing and still look pretty doing it. Perhaps it was just the fact that he didn’t have to try so hard to save each scene like he did in High School Musical because that Vanessa Hudgens wasn’t there, whoreing up every scene with her god-awful acting and even more god-awful singing. (I REALLY can’t stand her). Anyways, point being- he can act nicely. Matthew Perry was really great too, though he didn’t have that big of a role considering the majority of the movie revolved around the 17 year old version of himself. Leslie Mann did a great job as the mother, but the real scene-stealer was Thomas Lennon as the insanely odd best friend Ned. This is a guy who is obsessed with Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, etc. He is the kind of guy you hang out with but don’t want anyone else to know you hang out with. Basically he was my favorite character.

Anyway, to come to some sort of point, you should just forget about your pride and go see this movie. Stop being a little film snob who overlooks such “teen movies.” Because, if I haven’t mentioned it before, you are missing a chance to see Zac Efron without his shirt a really good movie.

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Workin On the Night Moves

Oh Internet, so sorry about the lack of posts recently. There were a few papers to be written, a few exams to be taken, Hannah Montana movies to be seen, you know how it is.

Yes, I saw the Hannah Montana movie and yes I loved every minute of it. This isn’t surprising though, because I have been watching the show since it first came on Disney. Yes, I am 21 and I still watch the Disney channel. But it is just so darn good! (Well, for the most part).

After the Hannah movie I was leaving the theater when I spotted one of those claw-type arcade games. Now normally those things are a rip-off but it was High School Musical 3 themed and they had these Easter egg type things in it with little key chains that had various members of the cast on them. So OF COURSE I had to play and wouldn’t you know it… I WON! The first time I got one, the second time I got two in one try (VERY exciting), and then I played again and again, and got six total little chain things. It was all very exciting.

Anywho, to sum up the movie- it was really good and made me laugh and laugh and laugh some more. I really love when people fall. It is a terrible thing to love, I know, but when people trip or whatever and fall- and yes, I am including myself in this- I can’t help but to laugh and laugh and laugh. It really is a horrible habit now that I think about it.

Once I was sitting in my chair in my dorm room, just minding my own business doing homework. Well these chairs rocked back and forth, so I was doing just that… innocently rocking back and forth, except I sort of went back farther than the chair normally goes and tipped backwards. The chair landed on my hand and all I could do was sit there, crying, not because of the pain but because of the laughter from falling. My hand was swollen twice the size it normally is, and stayed like that for two or so days, but all I could do was laugh.

In other news, it has been non-stop rain here for EVER, but I don’t mind because I love the rain. Plus! I got to wear my adorable new rain boots which was really exciting. I hope you are enjoying whatever weather is coming your way.

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It is Weird Not Putting “BEDA” In the Title… Oh Wait, I Just Did…

A conversation during linguistics.

T.A.: “Okay, We are going to do a sample of cockney rhyming slang. ‘Don’t sit on that Tony.’ Anyone have an idea what ‘Tony’ means? Think of famous people named Tony.”

Girl in class: “Tony Montana.”

T.A.: “Uh, no. Think of a politician.”

Girl in class: “TONY SOPRANO!”

T.A.: “…No…”

[silence]

Me: *repressing laughter* “Tony Blair? As in ‘Don’t sit on that chair’?”

T.A.: “Yes! Good job!”

Girl in class: “Oh..”

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