BEDA 20: Damn, It Feels Good to be a Gangster

A long, long time ago (last August) in a galaxy far, far away (Dover, DE) there was a girl (me) who had to get her biometrics (fingerprints and whatnot) taken at one of the scariest places on earth (Blue Hen Medical Center). When she pulled up to the building she thought she was in the wrong place, because the parking lots were completely deserted. She drove around until she saw the correct entrance to go in (entrance D or E), parked, and began walking towards the building. As she reached for the door, she happened to look to her right and saw, through a window, a bunch of old people strapped to chairs and receiving shots. She almost peed her pants.

Internet, every single word of the above story is true. I had to get my biometrics taken in order to go to England and the only place remotely near me was in Dover. So my mother and I drove up there and this place was creepy to the max. No cars were in the parking lots, there was an odd, eerie quite looming over the building. As we walked up to our entrance we really did see people strapped in chairs receiving shots. I wish with all that is in me I could say I am making this up, that I am exaggerating as I usually do, but for once I am telling the truth. I have never been so spooked in my life (except when I visited Shakespeare’s haunted grave). I wanted to leave RIGHT THEN but I had to get those darn biometrics taken! So we had no choice but to go in. Inside was just as creepy, people were walking around but again, no cars parked outside SO WHERE DID THEY COME FROM? After my appointment I had to once again walk by the window of people strapped in chairs. I tried as hard as I could not to look at their poor little souls, crying out to be free.

To this day I am SURE that was some government experimental facility and they were injecting those poor people with chips and codes and poison so they can run thier little tests and get one step closer in this whole 1984 phenomena that is taking over America today. I am here to warn you, Big Brother IS WATCHING YOU.

“But Lauren!” You may ask. “What is the point of you telling me this horror story for?” I’m glad you asked.

Last friday I had to go to the doctor (gross) and what was supposed to be a mere physical turned into me getting a shot. And surprise! I need about three more shots! So my dear mother talked things over with my dear father, and together they told me that the only place I could get these shots while having insurance pay for such things was…. at the BLUE HEN MEDICAL CENTER.

I gasped. I cringed. I almost peed my pants again. I then told my father that there is no way in hell I would be getting shots there, thank you very much, and I will just go through life without them. He told me I had to because they were expensive and since insurance is going to cover them, that is where I will be getting them done. I told him he had to come with me beause when I left he would have to remove the chip that the government was sure to inject into my arm. I told him I would NOT be part of thier experiments. I may like living in America, but I am not afraid to move out of the country if need be. I hear Canada is nice.

So I get in the car today, on my way to the mall, and I am having a conversation with my mother. I asked her (for probably the millionth time) if they were just kidding about this, that I wouldn’t have to get shots there, and that haha! It was all a joke. She said she wasn’t kidding. Now, I was unsure of how much I could trust her. But here is the thing; I believed her. I really, truly believed her because she is my mother and I generally tend to believe her about things like this. So there we are, in the car, and I think she can tell I am freaking out. I DO NOT want to go to this place people. I think she saw the genuine fear in my face because she leaned over and said, “Oh, and by the way, your father and I were just kidding about the Blue Hen Medical Center.”

Just like that. As if it was nothing. As if I didn’t spend the weekend thinking of that horrid place and how they were going to inject me with some rare, unknown disease so they can run thier little experiments. Never in my life will I step foot there again.

The moral of the story: PARENTS LIE. NEVER TRUST THEM AGAIN.

Have a happy April everyone! See you tomorrow.

Hamlet update: He ate all his food today! Huzzah! Victory is ours!



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8 responses to “BEDA 20: Damn, It Feels Good to be a Gangster

  1. My parents used to tell my brother and me that they had taken the goldfish “to work” when it had died, and then my mom would stop on the way home and buy a new one. I finally figured it out at an embarrassingly late age.
    So, yes. Parents just cannot be trusted.

  2. Genevieve

    Lolly!!! if you weren’t so gullible this wouldn’t be possible!!! Your little sad face!!! So cute! I would never let you go there! Mainly because I would never go back!

  3. radiantjewel

    aw man. i wanted to go. it sounds fascinating.

  4. Hi nice blog 🙂 I can see a lot of effort has been put in.

  5. Father

    Parents don’t lie. They simply are protecting you from something far worse and you need to trust them that they are looking out for your best interest. I’m sure your parents were having a little fun about taking you to the Blue Hen Med Center. After all, it’s not like they made you partake in some silly church games at a Baptist church………

  6. improbablefiction

    “After all, it’s not like they made you partake in some silly church games at a Baptist church…..”

    I *still* have mental scars from that. You just couldn’t just let me memorize more Bible verses in the corner, out of harms way, could you?

  7. Love this blog I’ll be back when I have more time.

  8. Hi, interesting post. I have been wondering about this topic,so thanks for posting. I’ll definitely be subscribing to your site.

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