We are starting this letter the summer before second grade because lets face it, you don’t remember anything before that. Except for that amazing blizzard you and your mother drove through to pick your grandmother up from the airport. Or that time you almost drowned in the pool. But obviously you lived, so second grade it is.
You will have a really fun summer. You will go on lots of picnics in your living room. You will spend a lot of your time listening to the Grease record and dancing around your house. This is a perfectly normal thing. You will also attempt to watch Grease 2, but your mother will make you turn it off because she happened to catch the sex-ed song. No, she isn’t mean; she just doesn’t want to tarnish your purity (you are, after all, only in second grade).
You will then move from Illinois to a place called Athens, Georgia. This is a really good thing. You will go to a school called Athens Christian, and it is best you know this now. You will throw up every single day because you hate it so much. This school will also fine you for every single tiny thing- field trips, books, dropping your pencil… everything. But do not worry, your parents (most likely out of fear that you will throw up the entire contents of your insides) take you out of this school and enroll you in Prince Avenue Christian School. This will be the best years out of your entire middle-high school life.
You will meet a girl named Taylor. She is very nice, and you should probably just ignore this girl, but you don’t. Because you are a nice person and you will be her (only) friend. It’s not your fault that her entire family turned out to be crazy. Once her family completely goes insane you will become best friends with a girl named Ashley. Don’t worry- her family is normal. You will spend almost every weekend at her house, especially when her family gets a four-wheeler. Speaking of this four-wheeler, you will knock down a tree in her back yard. First, don’t worry, her back yard consists of woods, and this is a very small, skinny tree. Second, her father will act mad, but only to freak you out. He could really care less.
You will take part in your church’s Christmas play each year. This will be a lot of fun. You will get to dress up as a present in one scene, then a gypsy type girl in another, and dance all around the sanctuary. And you won’t even get in trouble! You will also be in the school play, which will be a very unique experience. You will also go on your first motorcycle ride, which will probably be one of the most fun things you will ever get to do.
Although you love Georgia, you will eventually move to a place known as Rocky Mount, North Carolina. On your first night there your parents will take you out to eat and you will shout an inappropriate word very loudly in the restaurant. Don’t worry, mom and dad think this funny and don’t yell at you. You will enroll at school called Faith Christian. On your first day of school you will be greeted by a teacher named Mr. Smith (who terrifies you with his rather abrupt approach). He makes you complete an assignment everyone else is in the middle of, and expects a poster about Egypt due by the end of the week. You end up generally disliking him.
You will join the yearbook staff, which will be both fun and a pain in the a–. But it will be worth it in the end. You will also be forced to go to this place called Camp Willow Run. You will hate this place. A lot.
You will join the volleyball team and you will win second place in your division during your JV years. Varsity years are more focused on the fun of the game, as your team isn’t that good. You will also join the cheerleading squad. You will love the experience, pour hours of your time and money into it, but come to hate the majority of parents and students at your school through this. I am sorry, but they are complete jerks (most of them anyway).
You will only ever serve one detention, because of tardiness, and you will spend the entire thing doing homework. You will get lots of academic awards which do mean a lot to you.
You will go to Mississippi and help hurricane victims. This will be one of the most amazing trips of your life, and you will constantly think about all the things you did while there. Oddly, Mr. Smith was on this trip, but he was bearable.
You will go on a Disney cruise for your 16th birthday where you will be brought up on stage to dance with the cast members. Don’t wear your pajamas. Wear normal clothes you hooligan.
You will go to a lot of movies with your friend Kath- so many that the movie ticket guy knows you. You will go to a movie (Charlie’s Angels) with a really nice guy…we will call him W, and you will have a lot of fun. And you will go bowling with a different guy… we will call him N. All in all you never get a boyfriend. Though it doesn’t seem it at the time, this turns out to be a good thing. You will get in a fight with a girl, who accused you of stuff you didn’t do, but such is life. You will end up forgiving each other the next year at that dreaded Camp Willow Run.
A lot of other stuff happens, but lets skip that and get to your college years. This is where life gets really interesting. You will go to a small Christian college, but live off campus for your first semester. You will have a 7:35 am class (what the heck were you thinking????) where you will end up meeting one of your best friends, who also lives off campus. You will both show up to class at least ten minutes early each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and talk a little. By the end of the semester you will be sitting together, planning out the dorm room you will be sharing the following semester.
Once that semester rolls around you will spend a lot of time sharing long life stories, drinking water (while she chugged Mt Dews), eating sandwiches from the café, and watching Friends. In fact, for the rest of your college life this will be how you get through your problems. Stories, water, tuna sandwiches, and Friends. You will also sneak a boy into your dorm and never get caught.
The following semester you will be rooming with a complete nut case, and its best you don’t know about that before hand, as it will probably scare you into hiding. Moving on…
You will spend a month of the summer in France. Here you will go on a two hour bike ride in Southern France, jump off a 50-foot cliff in to really cold water, walk on average about 6 hours a day, and pretty much have the time of your life. Don’t take it for granted. Remember every little detail.
You will live with some cool people the following semester, and your roommate will more than make up for the last. You enroll in a theater class (because apparently you are suicidal) where you take on the role of head of costuming department. Through this experience you perfect the art of using expletives on a daily basis. You will have a lot of anger towards your professors, particularly in theater and American Lit. It is okay though, they are idiots. But most importantly you will start a blog. And you will have a bunch of people read it, a few of whom you know.
You do this because your next semester will be spent in England. You will make some really weird friends, but they make the experience so much better. You will take a class called Travel Writing and your teacher will make you want to cause physical harm to small children. You will take a poetry class and spend the majority of every class talking about one of three topics: sex, death, or religion. You will go through three classes reading nothing but poems about dead babies, and your professor will start almost every class with the phrase “LETS TALK ABOUT DEAD BABIES SHALL WE!?!”
You will try a lot of new things here, and you will learn a bunch of things about yourself. None of which you need to know at this particular time; it’s better to figure it all out in the moment. Except for Nerdfighters. That will definitely change your life for the better, and get you through a lot of stuff you can’t even imagine you will be dealing with.
Please don’t wear your nice boots to the boat party. They don’t survive.
While in England you will apply and be accepted to a new university. You will be extremely excited and celebrate with your roommate. You will steal a glass from the pub down the street.
You will go to the hometown of William Shakespeare (no, I am not lying). You will see a bunch of plays. You will do quite a bit of shopping. You will spend a lot of time in Harrods. You will walk a lot. You get into Westminster Abby for free by lighting a candle and saying your daily prayers.
Basically, you will have the time of your life and be really sad on the plane ride home.
You start your new school on Monday, where you will have a thousand new and exciting adventures.
It has been a crazy 20 years being you.