“You are not fit for human habitation”~ Professor Richard

This previous Monday I went into my travel writing class thinking it was going to be another ordinary day where the same three people kiss up to my professor and talk about things that don’t particularly relate to the topic at hand. Little did I know my professor Richard (which is meant to be read with the slightest hint of disgust) had different ideas. I got into class and he started by saying, “In keeping with my reputation of being ruthless, I have decided to give you your midterm today.” Now this midterm was supposed to be on Wednesday, and he hadn’t informed us about anything that would be on it. On top of that we had a 3,000 word essay due that Wednesday as well. He passed out the midterm all the while saying there was no reason we couldn’t have it on Monday instead of Wednesday. Now no one was particularly happy about this, so he assured us that it won’t be graded too harshly, seeing as it was to be counted as 25% of our grade in the class. He added, “its more of a ‘to see if you have been paying attention’ kind of thing” and “there was no way you could prepare for it.”

Now there are these two girls and they have a sort of nonchalant attitude about the class in general. They never do the assigned reading, never participate in class discussions unless forced, always come in late, eat food, and basically don’t give a flying flip about anything to do with travel writing. Well on this particular day of class they came in about twenty minutes late. They look around and see all of us writing and got confused. One of them, Shentelle, sits in the empty seat next to me and says, “what the f– are we doing?” I proceeded to tell her *surprise!* the midterm was today!! Needless to say she didn’t like this. Richard came over and handed her the assignment and added, “there’s been a slight change of plans ladies, the midterm is today instead of Wednesday.” They begin to look over we have to do (read a passage, write a response then a section of ridiculous short answer questions). Then the other one (yea, I don’t know her name) said, “Um excuse me. I thought this was supposed to be on Wednesday. How can we have it today? Did you tell us what to study?” To which Richard replied, “This wasn’t really the type of thing you could study for.” Well that gave Shentelle enough room to openly voice her opinions. She said, rather loudly, “This is so f– up. This is just sh–.” And other various comments like that.  Richard was a little taken aback, and not knowing what to do exactly, attempted to calm her down saying “This isn’t going to count for a large percent of your grade. It’s really supposed to be pressure free.” Of course she is not buying this, so she looks at him and says “THIS IS WHY I DRINK, BECAUSE OF SITUATIONS LIKE THIS. THIS IS WHY I DRINK.” By this point no one is actually doing their work, they are all watching this hilarious scene unfold.

Cut to today’s class. We have all had a day to calm down, though no one is really interested in Richard or this class (well, except for the three that continuously suck up to him)  and no one is really talking about the topic in hand… something about travel experiences we care to forget or something when suddenly, about twenty minutes into class, the door flies open and in walks Shentelle and the other girl. Shentelle looks at Richard with such disgust, such disdain, that he just stares back at her. Her expression the whole class was basically set to “don’t even think about screwing around with me, cause I’m not having it.” So she walks in and sits at an open desk. The other girl looked at him rather menacingly too and walked to the back where there was an open seat but no desk. Then this conversation happened:

Richard: Oh there’s a desk up here

Girl: No I’ll stand in the back. I’m fine.

Richard: No, no there is a desk up here.

Girl: That doesn’t have a chair. There is a chair back here. I’m fine.

By this point Richard is laughing because he knows she does not want to sit anywhere remotely close to him, and he thinks the whole situation is rather funny. Because it really was.

Richard: Please let me bring the desk back there to you.

Girl: No, really. I AM FINE.

Richard: Please. It’s the least I can do.

And everyone else is sitting there, watching our professor pick up an entire desk and bring it to the back of the room so this girl can have a proper seat. Then he goes back to the front and continues class like nothing just happened.


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5 responses to ““You are not fit for human habitation”~ Professor Richard

  1. I like Richard‘s italics. It’s like he’s a book. Or a boat.

    I’m actually being kind of serious. If I ever teach something I’m going to demand my students always bold my name.

    Luckily, I’ll probably never teach anything.

  2. improbablefiction

    Yea…if you ever taught a class you would come up with the most ridiculous things for your students to do. Which would def. be interesting.

    I need some creative things for my students to do when they get in trouble. Like the “dirty dozen” where you assign them 12 words in the dictionary w/ the longest definitions to copy down… some kid in the class I interned at this past semester had to do that. Funny stuff.

  3. this is one of those things that can almost be considered “too strange for fiction”. i love being class with kids like that though; the ones that demand attention and praise, yet really don’t contribute anything to society.

    Your situation sounds like a situation I had at an old college, where just before a professor handed out the mid-term he said, “Oh by the way. I’ve decided that this test will no longer be scantron, there will be an additional 25 Questions and 2 Essays. Good Luck!”

    Caleb, I pity your students. You would be the most evil dictator teacher ever. And of course, I humbly ask you to let me film it.

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